Express yourself

There is a 5-year old girl, and a 1-year old boy in our house. Sometimes I feel like they secretely treble though. I love painting, and drawing, and cutting, and using unusual materials as well, like rose petals, or any leftovers from birthday party decorations. Unfortunately at the moment we do this with the older one when the little one is asleep. Which is not as much as we used to.
However we get the little one involved in earlier phases of crafting. And that helps bonding, without making the older one feel forgot, or abandoned. Like the other day, we went to a park, and the little one carefully picked the rose petals, and gave them to us. It was real fun to him, running around and looking for possible treasures to bring and make his mum, and sister, smile. And yes, that also means, my current running and chasing abilities are at its peak, but it is worth it!;)))
Planning is key, however spontaneous actions seem to work as well. Just always have a spare bag with you; you never know what a short walk may bring ...

Sudden break

Yesterday my older one had a day off. We decided to take this opportunity, and finally (it took us a good while!) travel by London Underground. With the little one, obviously.
It was real fun! Despite the weather, i.e. a typical British summer, with showers, winds, and mud;)
We managed to see the Buckingham Palace, and made it for the last 10 minutes of the daily changing of the guard. The older one found their fluffy hats particularly appealing. The little one was more interested in the shape of leaves above us, along the Green Park, where we came from. He likes watching wind, which is not unusual for children; they do prefer things moving to the ones standing/ lying still, in general. And apparently green wins with furry black, red and golden jackets, and trumpets.
We also went to Mayfair, where in 'the Summer in the Square' we listened to a chello player, wonderful Rachael Lander, for 15 consecutive minutes, which stands for the longest ever Zosia's record of non-disturbed active listening;) My adventureous little ones both liked it, with the little one clapping joyfully, and saying 'nana', which surely meant he approved of it.
We played Noughts and Crosses, with huge wooden Xs and Os. There was more to do, and we are definitely coming back. Unless there are more showers;)))

But I guess the best part was to&fro. Travelling by metro, and laughing when the train was going so quickly we had to hold rails with both hands. Stopping by to see a funny, colorful, lollipops-like tree sculpture, which was named the older's one favourite spot of the day; no surprise there. Counting whatever possible along the way (circular windows are our all time favourites). Having fun.

That's what it's all about.

Game Over

That was the saying on a T-shirt my husband bought short before our wedding. I found it funny back then. But now I think these words have some meaning.
We can easily forget we are unique, and together we create something unusual, too. I mean, apart from the kids, but that is quite rough. And rich, coming from me, as I never really knew I would have children on my own. I had minor health issues ages ago, including unnatural tendency to getting thinner and thinner, which I successfully overcame (too successfully maybe:). But that is something many girls go through, from slightly exaggerated physical self-awareness, to dreadful and fatal breakdowns. There is not enough education on the subject.

I meant to tackle (an autocorrect function just suggested 'tickle' ...;) ups of a relationship.
It is great to have a loving person next to you, who wants to listen to what you have to say, understands you may have difficult days sometimes, when you should just let your lips stay sealed, instead of bursting with mean words, with actually no particular reason, apart from desperate and subconscious calling for attention. A typical child-like approach.
It is comforting to have a tender person next to you, who appreciates cuddles and hugs, just like children do.
It gives you courage and strength to carry on with tactical things, without missing your strategic point. That is, if you have one. If you don't, it is great that this person lets you have your moment, or two, to think over what are you aiming for in life.

It is not necessarily the end of the world, when you get married. It is just a different phase in your life, where compromise and that famous tripple of love&peace&understanding get you.

Balancing

I sometimes think my zodiac sign truly represents my inner self.
Constant fight for stability.
Testing time for ages before a serious decisions is made.
Attention to detail, perfect in strict business environment, totally annoying and usually unbearable to others in private life.
Need for admiration, totally annoying, if not put on hold (obviously;), in strict business environment, perfect in private life:)

I'm Libra, by the way.

Guilt

I thought about it a lot when I was expecting my first child. The core of parenthood. And before she was born, I strongly believed it was love, understanding, joy.
I was completely wrong.
It's guilt. A parent feels guilty most of the time. When they loose their temper. When they hurry their child because they want to be at work on time, at once. When they stroke little sleepy head, and sing a lullaby, thinking of few awful things they said today to the blood of their blood. When they see them grow and becoming more independent each day, and they wish they did better, showed more they loved, laughed louder with them.
Ok, more lines like these, and I start to cry. Silly:)

Today I was not the best of mums, I did not bit my tongue (at least twice), and was seriously counting to 10, which for me is the ultimate sign something is rotten.
However, I managed to smile, and cuddle, and tickle, and talk (a lot; not a rocket science for me).
And I said sorry for being rough, which is what I would expect my 5-year old to do herself.
And felt guilty only few times.

Usual day in da family.
(Almost. I could have bit my tongue, really...)

In demand

When the only thing you find in your letter box is a finesse lacking by-election leaflet, you can wonder whether there is anybody out there still interested whether you are alive. Well, the politicians fighting for a suddenly emerged vacancy may desire your voting. But do they really care who you are? An online beauty retailer may know a bit more about your favourite, hm hm hmm, anti-ageing serum, which you cannot stop using, naively and desperately. But do they know what kind of person you actually are?

We are nothing but customers to everyone around us. It is so rare to find a person you truly, deeply and sincerely trust, with no shadow of a doubt upon their good intensions towards you (misdoings can happen;)

Today I am full of melancholic sorrow. Which did not prevent me from expressing my everyday tendency to rule the world. Starting from the closest ones to me. Who, clearly, are potentially the ones with true, deep and sincere trust in me, and even when they find me a little freaky sometimes, they mean it in a good way. Lack of appreciation from my end stretches the boundaries of love, endurance and understanding. Why am I testing the water? Instead of being content and sweet, not bitter?

I saw a movie recently about a teenager with divorced parents, younger brother, and leukaemia. Putting aside the fact it really moved me, it revealed the old truth to me: we only appreciate what we have when it's no longer there. I guess the hardest part is to see that with your own eyes, when there is still time to enjoy all the good stuff happening to us, and working on having it more, i.e. cherish every happy moment and try not to spoil it with grumbling & whining about trivial details.

Action plan: be nice
(There. I could have done with it in 4 words;)

Unreserved

This morning I became one of them: frustrated mothers who are hungry for a conversation, happy to engage in one with a complete stranger.
I have never thought it would be me; I am talkative, yes, but quite reserved, and usually too embarrassed to go beyond yes, thank you, please, etc.
(Who am I kidding? Yesterday I was talking to a dishwasher, which has this annoying buzz at the end of a cycle, lasting literally over 30 secs, and if there is anyone out there who ever had to listen to a fire alarm for over half a minute, they know what I mean. Like it couldn't have been any of the Police songs instead. I wouldn't mind it then at all.)
A talk started with a lady queuing in front of me. Technically, she initiated a discussion, looking at my little one, who was just showing off (with a completely innocent look on his face) his 6 minutes of calmness a day. She turned out to be a mum herself, with a 30 months old boy. Now, when a mum tells you her child is 20+ months old, you might easily guess it's her first one (I am far from being judgmental here; just a pure observation I thought I would share). While waiting for our coffees (we were obviously standing in line for a coffee;), we exchanged ideas and semi-parental suggestions about children's behaviour, potty training, potential ADHD, and even - yikes! - lice...
And then, all of a sudden, we both couldn't stop talking. Then my Mini Man decided he's done with his presentation on how an ideal child should look like, and started to bring my attention by loudly requesting food. Not too loud actually, loud enough though to make us set apart.
I still think about that lady, who may sometimes feel as lonely in the unquestionably wonderful motherhood state, as only a woman can feel.
There is quite a number of community centres where you can come with your children and talk to the others. Sometimes though, it would be nice to be able to talk about something else then children, like latest haircut trends, or who is going to succeed in the World Cup this year (I personally believe Germany is in it to win it; Brasil will obviously not let go easily), or how to learn Mandarin in 6 weeks (not that I want to, just needed 3 unalike examples;).
Then again, the lady and I, while talking, we still discussed children ...