Hit it

I was almost run over by a car yesterday.

It passed me by less than few inches away.
Quite scary, and all went into slow motion. Like in some kind of helpless movie about an elderly woman who wasn't sure which language she spoke.
(That is the result I got describing me in one of these silly games where you're suppose to read the third sentence from the page 45 of a book you happen to read at the moment. Mine was: 'It still isn't clear which language she's speaking'... There you go)

But that's about it in terms of any resemblance to the cinematography industry.
There was no zen moments.
No images of breakthrough milestones from my life flashing through my mind.

Just two thoughts, one about the kids. And another one not. Quite a nice one, actually.


I might share it with someone one day. Not now though. It's still too fresh, that whole adventure of mine.


Also, I'm consequently pushing away any what if questions.
No ifs. No deliberation over the past.
Just desperately trying to think about now, and about the future.
Not so desperately actually.
Well, maybe a bit (overthinking what already had happened used to be one of my favourite activities).
But only a bit:))

Zzzzzz

The last 3-4 weeks has been, for some reason, one of the most hectic periods of my life.

Not in general, but in terms of sleeping, it's almost as if I had another little baby to care for at nights.

Waking up around 3 am became a habit:)

And obviously, that is harmful to me, but it gave opportunity to think. A lot.

But, restoration and wit are on the money, therefore I had to do something to stop those night calls.

And I figured out that if I apply some kind of routine to those night wake ups, it really helps to sooth my brain, let it recharge fully, and feel fully refreshed in the morning (well, that part is actually closer to truth after cleansing, toning, and moisturizing, but it sounds good when it's said like that, right?:)

Basically, you have to go to the basics. And treat yourself like you would treat a little baby, that has no understanding, or a vague one at most, on what is going on, why she feels sleepy, why she is angry and cannot fall asleep even if she wants to.

It is common to have a plan then, with few activities coming one after another, and ticking the boxes as they're completed. The baby understands it's repeatable therefore it's safe, she knows what comes next and feels secure, she goes to sleep quicker (reality sometimes verifies that approach, but still, it usually works). This, and calm approach help massively.

I decided to do the same. Be calm and have a routine in place.

Like reading a book for 15 minutes, drinking a glass of water with lemon, and thinking a while. But not too deep. And definitely not worry about anything.

So for example the dreams I have are quite nice, and positive, and something I wish was happening in real life (and maybe it will, who knows:).

Thinking about those dreams is a great idea for my brain to wander around, and calm down.

And then, it is easier to go back to sleep.

Rather than spending 2 hours in this half-awake, half-horror situation, it is now half an hour at most.

And all that after one week of my 'method' of self-soothing being put in place.

Looks like I'm getting there:)...

Love is

I read this yesterday.
And it struck me...

'A relationship, with a right person, is a release, not a restriction.'
(Beau Taplin, The Liberation)


This is exactly what I have been thinking about recently. A lot.

How does it happen that we bind ourselves to someone, and let them have our strengths, and powers, and feel good about it, and then, out of nowhere really, it starts to bother us?
Nothing changes yet everything is not the same.
Minor things which were nothing, which were just part of their personalities, which we even laughed at together, these are suddenly huge obstacles, something we cannot deal with every day.

No matter how huge the space between us, it becomes not enough.

And so, we miss each other - pass each other by. Wishing we were not together, wishing we were alone, wishing we could breath deeply, without that constant feeling of being watched, without that series of tips and hints of how we should do things the right way (obviously, our way is completely wrong, full of mistakes, and overconfidence).

And so, we get to the point, the breaking point, where - no matter the circumstances - we don't want it anymore.
We feel guilty, we get an idea we require too much, we know many people who are happy in much worse conditions, situations, relationships.

But then we think, why not deserve more. Why not be more at peace with ourselves. Why not be yourself, not just a blurred reflection of what somebody else expects. Reflection we hardly recognize as ourselves.

It's tricky:)

Life is a journey. Keep going.

one liner

If I were to think, which is my one-liner these days, that clause, or sentence, which I tend to use most, it would be this:
'It's tricky.'

Used in various contexts, and in different situations, seems to fill a gap in any reasoning I happen to express to anyone.

Today, it was used when I agreed with a lady who happen to get a bit lost while trying to identify the shortest way possibly from one metro line to another.

We went together, as I love helping people (it's selfish, really, it feeds my need to hear thank yous...). And we chatted a bit along the way.
She hasn't been in London for few years, and got all confused. I feel like a quarter Londoner at most, but it was a nice turning point of my afternoon today. Guiding someone.

She happened to be Welsh, and that brought some carefree memories of me hiking Tryfan ages ago, and then following my 2 companions down, also the shortest way possible, just like the lady from today.
Rather then elevators, lifts, and passages we had gravel, deep steep paths, and a jump from one stone platform to another, simply because it was quicker, and there was no point turning back... That day, I faced my fear for height for the first time.


Still, it was today when I said 'it's tricky'. Not back then.

Apparently, passing through a multi-level shopping centre is more challenging to me now then a mountain hike.



I'm getting older;)

Honesty

Does it even still exist?

Usually, when someone starts a sentence with 'honestly', or 'frankly speaking', you have 90% chances the clause that follows is fake.

Lying is now easier then ever.
That starts with images of fake bodies, unreal faces photoshopped to the extreme in the media.
Then there goes the idea we all have about ourselves, even if it's a subconscious one, the one we want others to know, not necessarily being a real reflection of who we are indeed.
Then economical reasoning - you won't tell your boss he is ugly and unfair, if you want to keep the job; best case scenario you end up muttering something and be looked at as a weirdo.

Then we have all that huge area of political correctness.
Then appropriateness.
Then social acceptance.


Lying becomes your second nature quicker than you think.
And then it slips through your appearance, your thoughts, your choices, and your beliefs.



So, when you come across someone who you can be really honest with, and not being judged, you should stick to him.

Cause it rarely ever happens.

Mustela UK maternity range product launch

That time yesterday, I was sitting in quite a comfortable chair at the French Chamber of Commerce in London, listening to a presentation describing Mustela.

Yesterday was also the day when their completely refurbished range of products was launched here in the UK.

Saying that I enjoyed the day is a huge understatement. There were laughs, there were treats, there was an interesting discussion about the products, and how carefully they are placed on the market.

How difficult, yet how simple it can all be, if you actually care.

Mustela has quite a unique approach to business; they don't want to sell as much as possible.

They want to sell wisely, to those who care, just like them, about their own quality of life, and about the life of others.

While I know for most it may sound like a marketing cliche, it really does matter.

All of the packaging is 100% recycled.

Only 8% of ingredients is non organic, and even then these are carefully selected raw materials, harmless for women and their babies.

Finally, the distribution is ran through independent pharmacies.

(Meaning, you want find them in the mainstream shop, next to a bunch of semi-dermo ones; but they're available online:)

The maternity range was initially tailored to suit the needs of expecting and existing mums.

But I think it would suit anyone.

The smelling is delicate, the packaging is quite appealing (that body:), and the product can solve your early stretch marks, or tired legs in a blink of an eye:)))

It's simply not to be missed.

For me, all these details were very important (you know, youth is in my soul, probably;), not necessarily that transparent when I face a mirror)...

But the icing on the cake was something else (the cakes were delicious however:)).

I met few wonderful inspirational women who write like me, have opinion on things, are successful and content with what they do in their life.

Women who I can look up to.

Thank you to Bloggers Launch (lovely Shabz) and to Mustela team (Veronique and Kristina) for yesterday.

Quite a day, I say. Quite a day ...:))))

Up and in the air

And so I'm up again.

It's the usual magical 3am. Sometimes scary, but I got used to it by now.

I'm starting to enjoy these silent times, just for me. However detrimental to my health (getting better though, as now it's usually only half an hour before I drift back), there's no one around, and I can just read a little, and think a lot, or the other way round.

Life is short.

I've recently shifted - finally - from the past into the future. Instead of the usual 'I should've done this / I shouldn't have said that' breakdown, it's more about fantasies (not the very accurate word but it's 3 am, I'm doing my best here), and how I see my expectations and goals to be fulfilled.

Highly recommended :)))