Mathematical challenge ALL THE NUMBERS YOU CANNOT HAVE

PEOPLE IN THE PLAY
HER
HIM

SCENE 1
In the garden, at the garden table, the couple is sitting in comfortable rattan chairs, drinking tea, eating biscuits

HER
(reading a book out loud)- 'and then, he just held his last breath, and died' ... well, that make sense
HIM
- ... sorry, what?
HER
- the last breath suggests in itself there is no more breathing left ... so logically then, you die
HIM
- fair enough


SCENE 2
In the garden, at the garden table, the couple is sitting in comfortable rattan chairs, drinking tea, eating chocolate cake

HER
- if you have good heart, and head full of porn movies, you're sorted
HIM
- ... sorry, what?!?
HER
- that's the result of newest research done by US psychology association, apparently. They were testing 123 couples over a 5-year period. It turns out thinking about porn and being kind to each other gives you pretty good chances for a healthy relationship
HIM
- fair enough


SCENE 3
In the garden, at the garden table, the couple is sitting in comfortable rattan chairs, drinking tea, eating sandwiches

HER
(reading a journal out loud) - 'Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Saturday Sunday' ... hm, Sunday again !
HIM
- you forgot Friday
HER
- no I didn't
HIM
- yes you did, you said Thursday and then Saturday - forgot Friday
HER
- Oh, I was just reading the weekly spelling task from her journal. There is no Friday but Sunday is mentioned twice. Interesting...
HIM
- Is it? Maybe they just forgot...
HER
- What if it's some kind of a code? Like, don't think of the last day of workweek too much, try to spend more quality time with your kids on Sundays
HIM
- seriously ...
HER
- what?!? what if I am right!?!
HIM
- fair enough


SCENE 4
In the kitchen, Her cooking, Him reading a newspaper, sitting at the table.

HER
- I think that if I hear fair enough one more time from you, I'm calling that whole thing off ...
HIM
- What do you mean?
HER
- I mean a divorce
HIM
- You want a divorce because of fair enough??? What about us? What about our life together? What about the passion?
HER
- Exactly ...

THE END

Never sit on a ... [the elongated version]

SCENE 1
5 Mayflies gather around the crib, where a little mayfly lies softly and peacefully. Each one of them has a wand.

Mayfly 1 

We only live 1 day. Darling, remember to enjoy every second to the full. Life is full of surprises, don't let any of them slip away. You never get a second chance.

Mayfly 2

Don't let others fool you. Be inquisitive and bright. Stay calm, and listen, and look before you speak. Listen before you judge. And once you judge, don't be afraid to stick to it.

Mayfly 3

Have courage to discover new things. Don't be afraid: nothing wrong may happen to you when you follow your passion, when you do what you feel is right for you.

Mayfly 4

Be beautiful inside out. Remember, this is not about the looks. This is about staying true to yourself. Then, and only then, you are truly beautiful. Minutes passing by - regardless...

Mayfly 5

Never sit on a Fae...

Sleepless in London

AGNES
- What is dream? Why do I need it in the first place?
ABEL
- You're asking for a medical reasoning behind sleep?
AGNES
- You're serious? I'm here talking about dreaming, a creative process involving our imagination, happening on a subconscious level, and you're killing that all with... whatever?
ABEL
- Hm... All right...
AGNES
- Actually, I think it's more left side of our brain that's responsible for dreaming...
ABEL
- Huh?
AGNES
- Doesn't matter...

AGNES
- Would you rather be a crayon floating freely in space, or a piece of metal diving freely into the depth of the ocean?
ABEL
- What!?! A crayon, or a piece? Have you taken something again?
AGNES
- No, no! What do you mean, again? I have never ever taken something you wouldn't... So this is highly inappropriate to ask in the first place.
ABEL
- Then what kind of question is this? Seriously, since you started this whole blog shenanigans, you're talking more and more nonsense.
AGNES
- Well, thank you. I'll take that as a complement. Happy to hear my talking makes no sense. That's exactly what I wanted to achieve.
ABEL
- What!?! Why!?!
AGNES
- Because, for as long as I remember, I have been all about reasoning. All about making sense. All about rational approach to everything. I got bored with that. So, from now on I'm more into flow, impression, power of the moment, and beauty of nonsense.
ABEL
- You're insane.AGNES
- You're boring. And normal. I win!
ABEL
- I have never thought I would say that, but I don't recognize you; not any more.AGNES
- That's your problem, not mine. I can still see it's me whenever I look at the mirror.
ABEL
- I'm deeply confused.AGNES
- Oh, I see. So you would rather be a piece of metal diving deep into the ocean. Fair enough. I'm more into the crayon and space. That can mean only one thing.
ABEL
- Which is?AGNES
- We're no longer meant to be. I'm leaving you.
ABEL
- What?!? Why???AGNES
- Because you're no longer interesting, and no longer interested in me. Because you have your own hobbies, problems, and interests, and I'm not included. Because you're more used to me than in love. Because I'm done pretending I'm in love.
ABEL
- But I've got used to you... We're together for ages. How would I... How will you make it alone? This is insane! You're insane!
AGNES
- I hope so!!

Taken by storm - again

ROB - Look at this, darling, it's shocking! All first page about the weather. Horrible, horrible...

EDWINA - What, the weather? You don't have to read about, just look outside. When I was getting that newspaper for you, the one you are reading now, about the weather, I was nearly blown away.

ROB - blown out rather

EDWINA - that too

ROB - But I wasn't talking about the weather! Although it is a fascinating subject... I was talking about the share prices; all went down yesterday. And yes, they compare it to the weather, but it's the share prices... Horrible, horrible...

EDWINA - Huh?

ROB - It's everywhere, all across the globe!!! The markets battered...

EDWINA - but their analogy to weather makes no sense

ROB - Why?

EDWINA - Men... because it is not stormy and windy all over the world, clearly!?!

ROB - I guess...

EDWINA - Exactly! Thank you! There is no evil under the sun somewhere else. There is clear blue sky and sun warming your skin, making everything brighter and fresher...
And if it rains, it only rains at night, so then you wake up to another bright and fresh day...

ROB - You said no evil under the sun, why evil?

EDWINA - I read. A lot. Books, you know. And that is a quote, from a Agatha, an amazing crime stories author.

ROB - Never heard of... Or I did! I did, I just forgot...

EDWINA - You forgot. Hmm.

ROB - Wait until you're 80. You will know what I mean then.

EDWINA - I am already 80. Actually, I am 82.

ROB - Really? So it is not a temporary memory loss. I have Alzheimer's. Oh my God...

RETENTION

SHE
45-year old, in a relationship with HE for the last 11.5 years

HE
46-year old, in a relationship with SHE for the last 11.5 years



SCENE 1
At the park
SHE - I have been thinking of what you said the other day... And I completely disagree.
HE - Which words do you refer to exactly? I believe I said quite a lot recently.
SHE - Naa, it's me. I'm the one who talks. Too much. Remember?
HE - True. Yet, I have no idea what you mean.
SHE - Typical.


SCENE 2
In the bedroom
SHE - So, which colour suits me best, blue or red?
HE - You look beautiful in any of these.
SHE - For once, can't you decide? And not be afraid to share your opinion?! Seriously...
HE - OK, blue.
SHE - Blue? Really? Naa...
HE - Then why did you even ask?
SHE - Just for fun...


SCENE 3
At the balcony
SHE - Look! It's full moon! How lovely
HE - Yes. It is beautiful.
SHE - You remember the first full moon we saw together? It was 12 years ago, in Tuscany, we were drinking Chianti in that little restaurant at 11pm, with all the people around...
HE - I touched your hand, and said your skin was so soft it was almost unreal...
SHE - Yes. Yes, that is exactly what you said. You remember!?
HE - I do. I do...

Aha

KLAUDIA
corka Krystyny

KRYSTYNA
mama Klaudii

KLAUDIA - Mamo, choc, bedzie fajnie.
KRYSTYNA - Nie mam czasu, daj spokoj!
KLAUDIA - Mamo! Kiedy ostatnio bylysmy razem na zakupach, co? No, chodz...
KRYSTYNA - Przeciez Ty nigdy nie lubisz tego, co Ci kupuje. I zawsze co zrobie, jest zle.
KLAUDIA - Mamo, prosze Cie. Chodz!
KRYSTYNA - Bez sensu; poza tym ja nic nie potrzebuje. Mam wszystko, co trzeba, dziekuje.
KLAUDIA - Ale ja potrzebuje rady w sprawie butow...
KRYSTYNA - Jestes pewna, ze ode mnie? Przeciez Ty nigdy nie lubisz tego, co Ci kupuje. I zawsze co zrobie, jest zle.
KLAUDIA - Aha. Ale tu chodzi o mnie.
KRYSTYNA - No tak. O Ciebie. Ja sie juz nie licze... Moja samotna wedrowka przez zycie dobiega konca, czuje to, i niestety nie doczekam ani Twojego szczescia. Ani wnukow...
KLAUDIA - Mamo! Ja jestem szczesliwa. Bywam szczesliwa. Jest w porzadku. A poza tym... Poza tym, 'trza byc w butach na weselu'
KRYSTYNA - Slucham?!?



...



KLAUDIA
Krystyna's daughter

KRYSTYNA
Klaudia's mom

KLAUDIA - Mom, come, it will be fun.

KRYSTYNA - I don't have time now, leave me alone!
KLAUDIA - Mom! When was the last time we were shopping, huh? Come on...

KRYSTYNA - But you never like what I am buying for you. Regardless of what I do, I do not do well.
KLAUDIA - Mom, please. Come!

KRYSTYNA - There's no reason for me to go; besides I need nothing. I have everything I need, thank you.
KLAUDIA - But I need advice on the shoes ...

KRYSTYNA - Are you sure that you want that from me? But you never like what I am buying for you. Regardless of what I do, I do not do well.
KLAUDIA - Aha. But this is about me.

KRYSTYNA - Yeah. About you. I am not even considered here any more ... My lonely journey through life comes to an end, I can feel it, and unfortunately I won't manage to see you happy. Not to mention any of my grandchildren ...
KLAUDIA - Mom! I am happy. Sometimes. It's fine. And besides ... Besides, 'you're supposed to wear shoes at a wedding'

KRYSTYNA - What did you just say?!?

Enchanted

MUM - 45-year old feminist
DAUGHTER 1 - 17-year old idealist
DAUGHTER 2 - 15-year old radical

MUM
Reading a novel, sitting in a comfortable chair next to the fireplace; it's a sunny warm afternoon in October in the south east London
- 'Scarlett O’Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were.'

DAUGHTER 1
- Oh, no! Not that thing again!

DAUGHTER 2
- Mum, do we have to listen to this again?

MUM
- Why not? It's a great novel. I like it. Many things happen, you can see that happy moments theory of mine across the pages.

DAUGHTER 1
- But she is so shallow! And silly! Like if all life was about were men! While it is clearly all about love!

MUM
- Hm...

DAUGHTER 2
- You agree with her? You? Mum?! You're always so independent, so strong. You really think it's all about men??? Seriously!

MUM
- No, I just get her point of view. She was not aware of other options, she thought this was the best could happen to a girl. Well-wed - perfect life, perfect solution.

DAUGHTER1
- I would have written the whole thing totally different though.

MUM
- Really? Why don't you enlighten us then.

DAUGHTER 1
- Well, I would start with her marrying Rett, followed by their trip to Europe, which would result in her giving birth to a sweet daughter 1 year later, and an equally lovely son after another 2 years. In the meantime...

........