21 + 6

Apparently, that is the lucky number. This is how many times we will be spreading love, joy, smiles, and hopefully 'awww' moments around Xmas time this year. This is the amount of stamps a kind post office assistant will put on the cards this year, asking me kindly how I've been, and equally kindly calling me darling (this is that casual darling people say that means nothing more than 'hey, I recognise you, you're here often'; still it's nice of them)...

Is it too little? Is it perhaps too much?

If you think about the number of times we have been packing things up, it's probably brilliant. One of the greatest way of de-cluttering the place you live in is to move out; if it happens to be in another country, the better for you.
If you think about the number of times I failed to stay in touch with friends, like real friends, its pathetic.


But that is how things are. Sometimes it is better to leave them as they are. However important it is to keep relationships, nourish them, and cherish them, sending a seasonal card once a year won't help. It may in fact annoy the recipient: not her again, what does she want from me, and so on.

While the most crucial person in the world to me should always be, you guessed it, me:), the following question is when I am closest to happiness. In other words, what would I like to have happen (:))) Is it when I am drowning in my own thoughts, on my own, hopefully with a book (hey, that doesn't sound so bad:). Or is it rather when there is another human being who is willing to (dis)agree with me on any subject, from tree lights to the next step in my ever glowing (hehe) career path...

I guess this is the question anybody should ask themselves. When they are on their own, actually. In their own thoughts. With a book nearby, to act as a reward when the answer is found, cherished, and nourished. Right before the call ones make to a friend of theirs. To discuss the tree lights, for example...

77 minutes

Not so typical Saturday evening.

Sitting in a sort of a bar waiting for a concert to start.

77 minutes. I've been waiting here for 77 minutes. Apparently, it's that magical amount of time one needs to wind out, chillax, as my friend advises me on an almost regular basis, and just cherish the moment.
No stress, no trouble, no issues.

Just sitting back, letting the thoughts pass.

A large glass of red wine definitely helps.


And, I just realised last time I was sitting in a sort of a bar on my own, waiting for a concert to start, feeling completely at ease with myself was never.

There's a first time for everything.
Glad this very time is now.

Not yet broken

Everything seems to be wrong these days. Not in sync with the vibe I am desperately trying to create and stay tuned with. Which is probably the reason why right is beyond reach. Trying too hard but putting little heart or effort into actions, ironically.

Being a not so horrible parent is more challenging than ever. Writing, ha, when was the last time I did that? Ages ago. To the point that FB tells me I haven't posted in XX days... Even baking. All is not enough.

While it would be of benefit to break things down and get to the source of all this misery,  looks like that same old tempting I'm miserable tell me I'm great or I will drawn us all in tears approach is winning. Not helpful. Short-sighted. Pathetic.

There are people out there who would give anything for my 'problems', if only they could see the world again. Or walk again. Or be able to have a child on their own. Or live each day without a constant fear something, or someone is going to kill them.

They say attitude is everything. Look beyond yourself, don't be so selfish, they say. Stick to the positive.

Appreciate that. We are all changing so staying in any state for too long is never a good thing. But being nothing then positive is equally unnatural. One can't be constantly happy unless they are on something. And I would assume even then the body adjusts, so after a while that something is not enough.

Maybe that is exactly what should be driving anyone. Not enough. Rather than sticking to 'not', or to 'enough', one might just acknowledge not enough is fine when noticed. And try to move on. 

Mispronounciation... or maybe not

We were waiting for our early lunch to bake. Pizza getting ready in the warm oven, with light from within putting glow on our faces, full of smiles and excitement.

Little things that give you joy.

We discussed the concept of timer. Which went onto the concept of time. There were 3 minutes left, so Mini Man pointed at the number and said: 'Three!'. Actually, it was more like: 'Threeeeeee!!!!!!!' which just makes me think how understanding one's neighbours can be. And whether we're already past the limits or just dangerously balancing at the verge of initially polite letters and semi-friendly smiles when passing each others on the corridor.
That doesn't seem to bother him, though. Especially when he says his three more like if he was saying 'free'. With me, of all the people being least skilled to correct someone's pronunciation, just genuinely smiling. Wanting to say something but pushing that teacher of mine deep down inside. Maybe he is right after all. Actually, he might as well be as free now as he ever will be.

Holding - the chills the laughter the sigh

Norton. Graham Norton. The man who makes me smile each time I have a chance to watch his show.

I knew he wrote up to two semi-biographical, semi non-fiction books, so a world of written words - which happens to be 'mine', too - is nothing new to him. This one though, 'Holding', is a crime mystery. Fiction to the fullest, basically.

One has expectations when reading a book. When you sort of know something about the author, you get into assumptions. I was therefore expecting funny. And met my expectations right at the beginning. There seems to be this vibe of sarcasm, irony, and deep observation of the world that cuts through. Gives laughter and joy. And brings back any memories one may have about Ireland. Or reveal discoveries one may not have been aware of up until now.

I thoroughly enjoyed the plot. Twisted as it should be in a decent crime story. Not so obvious and fooling a reader as it should, in a well-planned crime story. Giving you both chills and hope, and making your jaw drop as it should be - but rarely is - in a long-remembered crime story.

What took me completely by surprise though, was a collection of thoughts that made me think. And smile. It was that sad smile, the one I have when I sigh and remind myself of situations I have been through. Experiences that touched me and shaped me.
'Some marriages combust, others die, and some just lie down like a wounded animal, defeated.' Wasn't expecting that. Kudos.

I would recommend it to crime mystery lovers. I would definitely buy a copy as a present to anyone who is struggling with their everyday life. Finally, I would give it to anyone who needs some joy on a gloomy day.

I had an opportunity to ... Actually, no. I had a pleasure to read an ARC of this book via NetValley.

Silly little thing

It can happen to many. White it happened to me though?:)

I was restocking grocery items. You know, the essential stuff: milk, cereals, crackers, chocolate...:)
Food for brain and food for feelings basically.

And then, on my way back, I noticed the sticker happily accompanying one of my shoes. Anyone could see it as it was one of these neon green labels they sometimes put on shelves.

'Sorry, temporarily unavailable.'

No comments...
Just... no comments:)

Fear and love

Is it possible to be afraid of someone and think it's love?

You would think not.

But, I heard few stories of women who thought exactly so. They were just not aware of that.

They say embrace your fear. Get to know it, it's the best way to confront it.
What if your fear is exactly the opposite? It is that fear that is confronting you. Getting to know you. Set boundaries for you. Confronts you daily. Controls you and shapes you as it pleases.

May happen more often that you think.