When you look for sth here

Thursday, 18 June 2015


Love, hate, jealousy, desire: these are all emotions. It's always up to us to control them, or let them control us.

I happen to made lifetime decisions based on all of these feelings. Some were good, some should be classified as a learning curve.

But never bad. Regretted only twice;)

Listening to this by Björk - one of my all-time favourites.

Monday, 15 June 2015

The secret

There is something in the air tonight that tells me I shouldn't be writing this. At all. I should go and get a sound 8 hours of sleep. Get a book. Exercise. Finally plan my next move(s).

Procrastination though seems to be what I do best. Therefore, rather than do any of the above mentioned reasonable options, I will keep my hands on the keyboard. To the detriment of any potential reader:_)

My secret to survive the 37th year of my life is to ignore. Be as oblivious as possible. Miss looking deep into my eyes in a mirror, and ask myself should I really be doing what I am doing. Go with the flow.

This isn't even a beginning of another 7-year cycle (5 more years to go there), where apparently you change, as your skin changes, and every cell in your body changes. So, why now?

Well, why not? Should I wait until I am older (inevitable), wiser (hard to believe), more at peace with my life (ekhm), less moody (improbable). Apparently, now is the peak of my self-esteem (farewell, modesty). And I should grab it.

What I am trying to say here is this: the more you do, the better - in general. As somehow, in a magical way in my opinion, time can wonderfully expand. And suddenly you can fit in much more than you think you could before you started fulfilling yet another pursue.

Now, that is tricky. I may not see a sign where people around me start avoiding me, or treat me like a weirdo. My closest family included.
I am not saying though you should be working 20 hours a day. That is silly - you have one life, you can do whatever you want with it, but if you have someone beside you that you care about, and are responsible about in a way - you should know where to stop. It tool me few years once to do that. So I know it is difficult.

I am just trying to say it is sometimes as important to follow your dream, as it is to care about the others. Content you = content closest ones. That's it. My secret:_)

Sunday, 14 June 2015

Facebook is my life

When did it happen? I haven't really noticed. Yet, somehow, this became my second nature. And it firmly stays there.

I could try and analyze it the smart way: necessity to 'talk' to someone; endless possibilities to speak, and be heard; ability to join trillions of groups, and express yourself whenever you want, and create your image in so many ways. It is beyond belief.

Actually, sometimes it is not true after all - people fake their personalities and their opinions just to be more trustworthy in what they do - again, beyond belief.
I became one of them - well, apart from that fakiness - don't really have energy to create false facts and figures. You would need extra time for that, too:_)
But I became linked to Facebook more than I admit, and definitely more than I should.
And no justification (yes, a business profile could be one, but... There are at least good few more platforms that could be used, and I seem to be oblivious there...).

Like any other form of addiction, you need to set your limits. Have a plan, a timetable, a schedule, with space dedicated to breath, have fun, and enjoy. Something I always struggle with. Something I always tend to avoid. Something that pays off really well, if you actually follow it.

I guess my work-life balance is just one vast space for improvement here...

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

My most recent definition of happiness

This morning, it hit me. I finally got it. I think.

My mum is the one who will not stop working - office addict in a way. I was never really fully supportive of her decision, and would rather gently try and, unsuccessfully, talk her to actually get over it, focus on home, identify a hobby, and stick to it. While I cannot imagine her knitting, I thought some local social, or supportive groups in need of a leader would be thrilled.

But today, on our way to school, when the sun was shining, and the wind was blowing our minds off, I got it.

You need to have somewhere to go to feel happy.

Some take it more literally than others.
Some have more strong will, or passion, then others.
Some will immerse in a new venture, and discover new sides of themselves, again more than others.

That's it. No need to judge, convince, criticize. It's all about inner self.

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

First days of June - reflections of a 6.5 year old

Mum, do you know - said my 6.5 year old Bella (she wears that dress all the spare time these days, which is good, in a way - who wold have thought when buying a costume party outfit that it would be worn over and over again, despite no parties as such? a new approach to lets-not-waste:_)

Hm? - I said (I know I should've been more polite, and give something like - what is it my Dear - as an answer, but we were going up the hill, and I had the buggy with one million bags, the usual nomad approach to everyday life, no change there, ironically)

Do you know, that with each step we are more far away, and closer at the same time?

She's a genius!
And so much like her mother, it's insane ;)


I don't like this - she said, pointing at one of those Juliette balconies, ridiculously looking indeed.

Why? - I said, such an original opening quote.

What's the point? No use. Silly - she stated.

She's such a remarkable observer!
Again, she reminds me of her mum in every single second like this ;)


'I don't feel like eating breakfast. I'm too tired...'

(well, that is not exactly my ideal approach to a morning routine, but yes, I remember situations when glass of water, and a mug full of coffee were my breakfast... Shame on me)