When you look for sth here

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

730 days of walking

That's not me; that's my MiniMan. He started 2 years ago. 2 years ago he made the first wobbly step.
(Wobbly is my favorite word recently; not only because it sounds quite funny:)

Nothing usual, surely. But I just stumbled upon a post I wrote one year ago.
This one.

And that made me think how we change, whether we change. Physically, emotionally, socially.
Clearly, it is easier with kids. They have their phases, their attitudes, and they don't have all the filters we hide behind, usually with relief, sometimes with pain.

I caught them both today, too, running around and laughing. Just like a year ago. Just like many times in between. :)

Yet, that doesn't give me enough patience and understanding, when the day ends, when they are both moody, more moody than usual since they are tired.
I still struggle with being that caring, gentle, uncomplaining mum who is there for them regardless.

Why it is easier to smile to a stranger who stumps on my feet in a train  - accidentally, I know, but it hurts regardless.

Bad mother.

Saturday, 26 December 2015

Boxing Day

Up until yesterday - yesterday! - there was this overload of emails wishing me a very merry...
This morning I woke up to an equally unreasonable amount of messages, keeping me up-to-date with irresistible sale campaigns, now and only now available just for me, massive but fully personalized just for me, with used by date shockingly short, just for me.

A bit too much.

So me, my SuperSpiderGirl, and the Mini Man, we ended up on a walk in the park. With equally reasonable amount of people and their kids. Usually dads with kids which makes me wonder whether mums got the same personalized messages this morning...

Anyways, we got mud, wind, and wild swing experience.

Grounded and uplifting.

Highly recommended.

Sunday, 20 December 2015

Pre Christmassy

These are going to be quite a few days. I think.

I used to be super excited before Christmas; presents - obviously - were at the top of my interest, with smells and flavors ambling through the house, all under control of my grandma.
I enjoyed cracking nuts which seemed to be all I did each December evening, apart from reading and playing cards with my grandparents. Magical and powerful set of activities I guess:_)

Now there's none of that. At least the tree is there, though. Decorated by my SuperSpiderGirl. And no, I did not amend any of the things she put. Partially because her taste is genuinely good. Most of all, however, this is for her and her little brother. No need to interfere.

The tree is not enough. It's a good start, but it is not enough.
The food and smells from childhood which I try to reconstruct, as clumsily as possible - no giving up though:_) - won't do either.

It's love. And understanding. And joy, and laughter.
That is missing.

And that feeling that I am the most loved, the most cared for, the most important for the people around me.
Some of them are in my heart and in my thoughts. Some I will never be able to see again. To some I wasn't even able to say thank you for giving me that security - it didn't seem to matter that much then.

Doing my best to pass that security onto the kids now. As clumsily as possible.
But not giving up:_)))

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Neuro linguistics

Been to a really interesting course over the last weekend.

It's been a very nice weekend anyway, but the course itself made me a bit stronger, and even tiny bit more confident. Willing to work towards being a better person.

What's more, I can now admit I was wrong when I wrote this post.
(Ekhm, that doesn't happen very often; ok, it practically never happens, admitting someone else is right is easy as long as it's not a zero-sum game. Otherwise I am always right. Obviously.)

Not this time though.
Until last Sunday, and after I saw 'Still Alice', I thought that our behaviour identifies us as people.
(Still highly recommend that movie; makes a viewer think a lot about his own life, and yes, try to make it better, which is quite an amazing result in a wave of brainless cinematography attempts these days).

But we are not what we do. We are much more.

Getting that idea, and thinking it through really helps to look at the world more thoroughly, without spending too much time on deep analysis.

I know I make mistakes (ok, that's about it in this post about me and my fallibility - enough:_).
I know I sometimes do things, resulting from these mistakes, that make me look a lot worse than I really am.
And that is the point.
These things I do, they do not reveal the worst in me.
They just show I am yet another human being.

Who I am is much more then what I do.

Good to know that. And don't beat yourself up too much over the past. Just learn from it, and keep going.


When a person smiles, x numbers of face muscles move.
While there's no definite answer to how many out of 43 available ones actually do the work (more of that in a very interesting article here), smiling does involve work to do.

For me, it's quite spontaneous. I smile a lot. Some say everything can be explained by our childhood; I was then fortunate enough to be raised to smile:)

Immersing in the past and bringing up memories is a very nice way to spend a gloomy December evening. Tucked up under a cosy blanket, my favourite cup filled with warm tea in one hand (black tea which even has its own name: 'Perfect moments at a fireplace'), photo album in the other.

Yeah, that never really happens - no photos from the past available as of yet (more of that here)...

Besides, I'd rather look at the past however tend to think more about the future. The older I am the more of the latter comes to mind; quite the opposite to the natural tendency - it's when you're young you think what it's going to be like, and you want it to become 'now' as soon as possible:).

And when I think of the future, I think of what it will be like when I am no longer in my body.
What will my kids think of me when I am a not so random - hopefully:) - collection of thoughts, memories, and words I tend to use the most (like: 'and', and 'tricky' ;).
How to make me better for them, and for the others.

I wouldn't like to be remembered as a mean witch for example:) and I don't think anyone would like that. Even those who say they don't care about other people's opinion, they don't really mean that.
They just don't think about them not being here anymore.
Fair enough.

The question then is, what to leave behind, what would it be that I create that will let others remember me.

I figured that out.

I'd like others to think of me in a good way when I'm gone. And smile.

Is that enough? No thriving empire, no flourishing businesses left behind; 'just a smile?' :)

But for me, that would be more than enough. That would be something.
Not only from face muscles gymnastics point of view...

Friday, 11 December 2015


I was recently nominated to the childhood memories / photos challenge (on Facebook, obviously:).
You're supposed to post 5 photos for 5 consecutive days, each one of them being taken at least 15 years ago.

Just realised I have none.

I mean, there are plenty of photos back in my family's house. And even more at my parents house.
But with me - none.

Like If I was the one with no past. Like if I wanted to be that one.

Just realised that.

But it's not the case.

Being who I am was never an issue. Where I'm from, people tend to assume a lot, and judge others a lot based on what part of the country one is from.
Fair enough, shortcuts are always needed; not always in line with the truth.
But I was always very careful not to be judgmental. And try, and see past prejudice.
(Mastered irony in the meantime, no problem with that;)

I know why I didn't want to bring the past with me.
I no longer want to be like that though.
No longer.

Saturday, 5 December 2015

I forgot

Watched this movie. Still Alice. About a rare version of Alzheimer's disease, passed genetically.
In short, not only you forget stuff; your children get that from you - it's 50/50. Talking about legacy...

A very sad story.

They say personality is something you hold within, it's your core self; habits and relationships can obviously change that, but not too much. The core remains still.
Well, that is not true.

What you do is who you are. How you feel is who you are. Who you hang out with is who you are.

And it's so easy to say these reassuring words: 'I am here for you', when nothing tragic really happens; when everything is the way both parties think should be.
The cruel beauty of that statement kicks in when things get out of control. Expectations towards another human being, your closest one, are no longer valid.
To get that, to let go, to understand it is no longer about keeping the important things in your life going - that is the main thing.
Especially when the important is not to keep the appointments, remember names, be somewhere on time, and pretend nothing is wrong.

The important is to love. And be loved. No matter what.
Anything beyond, is just an irrelevant add-on.
Just an add-on.

Friday, 4 December 2015

50 iPhone Apps To Earn Cash - AND A GIVEAWAY !!!

Facing December. That time again, with lights, positive thoughts, and cozy evenings with a book, and hot chocolate.
In reality though, most people spend that time falling over themselves, with passion in their eyes, on a serious mission to snatch perfect presents for their closest ones. And their relatives. Not to mention true friends, acquaintances, and random individuals who expect to receive a small gift as well, since this is the way to do it these days.

January will be full of saving tips, clever leftovers management, and belt-tightening (ave, gyms!).

I am into focused action planning this year; no casual benefactions purchased under pressure, with others eagerly queuing behind.
Interested to see the actual results of such sneaky scenario of mine. Time will tell.

At least one present is sorted: the not so little pick-me-up for myself:) Very appropriate, in line with what I'm (al)most interested in (reading, obviously:), and potential saver in one.
This book:

It's Emma's debut in the role of a writer, but what a debut it is:)
Rather then immersing into romance, historical endeavor, or sci-fiction, she went the route she is already blogging about: saving.
Which not only instantly increases credibility of her words. It also suggests she really knows what she is writing about.
As I was able to read it, I can only say these first impressions are very true.

Her publication is a clear and fresh manual on how to increase your income with a relatively small effort involved. Time well spent.

Actually, when I think of it, this could also be a very appropriate not so little pick-me-up for few of my friends. Maybe even more than few...

Emma kindly agreed to contribute to this idea, and here it is: a giveaway to let 3 lucky readers get the book for themselves, and save them from January blues...:_)

All you are asked to do is follow these 3 simple steps, here:
  • Visit Emma's blog on FB - From Aldi to Harrods (liking is not required but highly appreciated:)
  • Visit my little FB page - Everyday is Friday to Me (as above:)
  • Comment below, answering the question:

And make sure you don't miss the deadline ;) - 22nd December 2015, 8PM UK time.
The winners will be picked the following day, and informed in comments - just in time for Christmas:)

Best of luck :) 
  (If you're not so lucky here, don't worry; you're probably fortunate elsewhere, and even then you can still purchase Emma's book here.)

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

1 little story

This is how it could be:

It all started with passion on one end, 'no better option available' on the other.
A mixture of happy moments and sad times, not enough talking and hostile looks when silence was the king for a week, or two.
Over 11 years and 2 kids later, here we are.

Recently, I read this: 'Some day, someone is going to look at you like if you're the best thing in the world.'
I'd like that.

Saturday, 28 November 2015

All I want for Christmas - the Mustela way

All of the sudden I have that thing for candles again.
(That's not necessarily true; it's not that sudden; there's a trigger; no need to talk about that now though.
But it is not sudden.)

For as long as I remember, I've had a thing for candles.
Always lighting one when someone close to me would have had her birthday.
While I am not afraid of darkness - feeling it embraces me rather than makes enemies with me - I like the light of candles: soft, slightly blurred, and warm just from looking at it...

Now I have a candle on. This one:

I like its smell. Not Jo Malone-ish, or any perfume-scented. It has a smell of a healthy baby. Freshly washed, cuddled, and wrapped in her mummy's caring arms.
An essence of motherhood locked in a candle.

It came together with a set of Mustela bebe range:

All packed neatly in a cheer-me-up cosmetics bag with a catchy slogan (and it's working, I tested it:): 'I am a beautiful mum'

For the last 2 weeks we have been using the products.
The candle smells really nice ... but I mentioned that already:)
The cleansing gel, the body lotion, and the moisturizer for chest area are all second to none for a 2.5-year old MiniMan, who coincidently had an unexplained rash on his tummy, all gone within 2 days of using the range. Astonishing results, really, and much better than after using even the mildest of steroids, like hydrocortisone (not to mention potential serious side-effect from the latter, never appearing with Mustela products).
The no rinse cleansing water is great when picking up a hungry and highly energetic 7-year old SuperSpider girl.
The Cold Cream sample, quite generous in size, actually, proofed to work perfectly well in line with frosty November mornings, and otherwise sensitive skin on our faces.

Looks like we like it.

Anyone's interested in using it?
Then you will have to buy it. I am not going to share mine. Not even a single drop:)

All the above mentioned products have been received at no charge, and in return for an honest review, under the brand ambassador for Mustela project, which I am proudly taking part in.

Converted, two-faced, and universal

After years of a two-faced acclamation of no-TV life, I failed.
Started watching the famous House.
And enjoying it, which is even more annoying.

In one of the episodes, the 5 stages of dying were revealed. Apparently (with few members of my family being heavily involved in saving lives, I should have known that; I didn't...), apparently then - this is an actual theory, called Kuebler-Ross model.

I watched it, read it - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance - and thought: really? It was invented in the 60s of the XXth century?

There was a poet in Poland, who used to sit under a tree and write, you guessed it, poems. He lived over 500 years ago. When his little daughter passed away (not a big deal back then, however cruel that may sound; the mortality ratio among children was way much higher than today), he wrote a series of 20 poems, digging into his soul, describing his tragedy.
In short, it was the most ultimate selfie of a soul missing someone really close.

And the individual pieces of the series were forming a journey each devastated human being may follow after death. There was disbelief at first, followed by rage, attempts to understand it, complete sorrow and pain, and finally - consolation.
Rings a bell?

I am not at all suggesting Ms Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross read Swedish translation of Jan Kochanowski poems, and decided to use these, in a sneaky way, as a basis of her theory.
I am suggesting death is universal. What we feel is universal.

And if I think about it a bit longer, the 5 stages of dying deal with every type of loss.
Like the one after a break-up.

Friday, 27 November 2015


Yesterday I finished reading 'Blink', a truly amazing book. Non-fiction full of eye-opening and inspiring thoughts, facts, and figures. And not boring at all:)

I like reading. It makes me a better person as it calms me, makes me think, and step back. All helpful.

'Blink' was with me for over 3 weeks. Was it a pure coincidence, or a side effect of reading - but I have changed. Again. Became more focus-oriented (there are still things that can distract me, but I can identify them now more easily), better organised, and less biased.

'Blink' talks about the first impression. Micro gestures. Decisions made in an instant. Unlike many other publications, which used to tell me to analyze, to get more details, and to control that instinct we all have, this very book lets me acknowledge my thoughts, and act upon them. Just make sure they are there, and that sometimes they can influence my decision more than required.

What's fascinating is, I can actually change that trigger which makes me think and judge others, and their behaviour in a certain way.

What's even more fascinating is, too much information is a killer.
Something you would never find anywhere else.
Apart from sophisticated selling technique manuals, possibly.

But 'Blink' is about all aspects of life. My life.


Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Gazing and assessing

It's quite interesting, and so very unacceptable - in London, at least - to look at people taking the underground.
(By the way, it's still quite fascinating for me that large part of the underground is actually over the ground, while a similarly significant part of overground tracks goes below the ground... Talking about names...)

It's a golden rule not to stare at people. At all.

I broke that rule this past weekend, when I was on a train a lot.

There seem to be few types of people traveling: the tourists, the workers, the wanderers.
Vast majority with their Meeee-phones (me included:), glued to their screens; playing games, watching movies, reading, staring at some photos they took, or got.

Some are different. So much in the train and not in the train at the same time. In their own world, overwhelmed by their deep thoughts. Clearly in the middle of something happening in their lives. Not necessarily happy, but not very sad either.


I'm with them, too.

(By the way, it's quite fascinating for me that large part of these thoughts about other people is actually a reflection of my own thoughts about me... Talking about assumptions...)

Friday, 20 November 2015

Honesty and rudeness

There's a thin line between being direct and unkind. Sometimes, we cross it. Not necessarily on purpose, but when we look into the other person's eyes, we know.
We crossed it.

The place I live in now is full of appreciation for a reserved behaviour. Polite to the extreme, restrained, people in general would rather die than say something which could be identified as rude.
Yet, they cross that line, too.

Another proof that stereotypes are being economical with the truth.

However, we are taught to stay true to ourselves. To stand for what we see, and believe in what we say as honest.

How to define that thin line? When it is barely there?
Is offending others the way of life?

Questions we try and find answers to all our lives.

I have that mirror test which usually works.
When I look at my reflection in the mirror in the evening, and I can look into my eyes, and smile, I know it was a good day. A day where I stayed true to myself, most of the time.

Sometimes, however, I avoid my own look. Afraid I would become one of basilisks from that European legend, able to kill with one single glance.
Then I know, that - most of the time - it was the day I didn't cross the line. But lied to me.

Wednesday, 18 November 2015

5 am challenge

Looks like I'm inspired by energetic Ekaterina, and her idea.

Actually, it's my MiniMan. He has no problem with an early start.
He mastered it.
Driven by desire for a bowl of cereals with milk, he uses few of a vast array of his sophisticated 'wake up, mummy!' techniques.

In result, we're up. Eating (obviously, I'm in for that, too; no one should eat alone:), talking (not me this time:), jigsawing (MiniMan, with focus and passion any entrepreneur wish he had), and reading (ha!:).

Around us, nothing happens. We're the centre of excitement, movement, and frustration, but only for a while, when a particularly stubborn piece doesn't seem to fit into the whole picture. The meaning of life, 2.5-year old way...

[7:30 am update
We managed until 6:00. And then the nap took us both over; my MiniMan and me.
Power nap. It was a power nap:)
With sweet dreams, at least on my end. Who would resist...:)]

Monday, 16 November 2015

Show them that you care

This was the message I heard during one of the podcasts about an interesting public relations story. Which, apparently, each entrepreneur should have - whether already successful, or aspiring, or both.

Well, I have none.

Let's face it, who would be fascinated with 'how it all started'. Unless it's Apple. Then they make a movie about it, and choose a character with least possible resemblance to the actual person who made the fruit no longer associated with a certain capital. Big times.

So I should fake it all. Pretend something happen, present a tarted up version, and show them that I care.
I don't give a ... No, that's not necessarily true, I do care about the environment I live in now, and about the world my kids will live in. But am I really that devoted to others? Recently, I've been selfish to the extreme. So nope.

I'd rather be genuine. And stop talking (too much:), and restart listening.

Worst case scenario, I will learn something from others.
Best case, I'm a future film star.

Looks like a win-win to me:)))

Sunday, 15 November 2015


I have no dual nationality. Just one. Usually, it's more than enough.

These days, my fellow nationals share their xenophobic attitude without any second thoughts whatsoever. How we should stay clear of others since, clearly, it's their fault there is violence on Earth.


These days, I wish I was somebody else. Irish, for example.
At least I could appreciate Guinness more.

I wish.

Saturday, 14 November 2015

Going down

I like French. There's something magical to the music and vibe this language has. Plus, it was the one my grandma knew. And the reason I tried to learn it as best as I could.

I like Paris. There's something magical to the atmosphere of this city. Plus, when I've been there (only twice, definitely not enough), the timing was right, I felt really good, not overwhelmed by any emotions (meaning: not in love with anyone, not devastated after any breakup, not feeling sad after someone's death), just enjoying the air. And smiling.

I don't like violence. Which sounds a bit two-faced, since I use violence. Not the extreme end, but I raise my voice when angry. Trying to stay composed all the time doesn't work.
Just making sure it doesn't aim at my children's wellbeing. That doesn't work either, not all the time. I sometimes raise my voice when I explain something to them. Patience has its limits. Sometimes the line is too thin.

Now, if you put together French, Paris, and violence today - it's sad. Freedom no longer. There is fear in place. And yes, anger, and irritation. And pain, and suffering.

I am probably one of the hundreds of millions of people now writing about this.
That doesn't really matter.

What's most important, none of these people, me included, cannot turn back time.
And ease the suffering. Or pain.

Friday, 13 November 2015

What a difference

It's quite funny how one day, or one evening even, can change you. Boost your confidence, make you smile, and almost happy.

That's how I felt after that Bloggers event on Tuesday, in the Body Shop Oxford Street store, where Estée Lalonde was launching her nail art kit.
Pure retail therapy and indulgence in one.

Yet, there's something more. Seeing women, younger and a little bit closer in age to me :), mingling around a popular Canadian blogger / vlogger, who chose London as a location for her heart and soul few years back, was reassuring. And uplifting.

All the people at the event are active social media users. Creative, interested in what's going on. Some struggle with wording (ekhm), some are flawless with sharing their experiences and thoughts around lifestyle, fashion, and beauty. That evening, it was a baseline that didn't really matter. What mattered was, we were all there. The power of women. Regardless of our backgrounds, personal situations, or people we are with, we were all free. To talk. To laugh (a lot). To get great pictures. And to learn, and grow even more.
Extremely positive happening that was.

Oh, and I got treated to hands massage and total face makeover. All in a gentle, and not pushy way (none of these: 'only with these eye shadows your eyes will finally look bigger, brighter, and better'. None of these:).

Thanks for the wonderful experience. For great shots of Estée and me, when I got a chance to talk to her in person - charming and warm personality:) all the best for her in her career, and kudos for the clever kit she created - it can really make your nails stand out a bit more, again in a subtle and elegant way.

Finally, special thanks to Jennifer, a MUA who really did make my eyes look bigger, brighter, and better:) Yay! :))

Wednesday, 11 November 2015


Never really appreciated unless it's gone.
The right to be whoever you want to be, wherever.

Speaking your own language without being hushed, or judged.

Wave the flag you connect to most.


Sunday, 8 November 2015

Expiry and pattern

Death is fearless. But all seem to be full of fear when confronted.

Death is something you face everyday. And you don't need to be a nurse, a fireman, or an assassin. Like me the other day, it could have ended differently. That car might have not stopped. It happens to so many human lives this very minute.
Luck? Or bad faith?

Why are we here? A question I should've asked myself 10 years ago, at least - I guess I'm younger (at heart) than I thought I am. But seriously, why are we here? What is the reason? If it was only to make the genes pass from one generation to another, half a million people worldwide would be enough.

I'm reading this interesting collection of daily habits now of those who somehow marked their existence, one way or another.
(Daily Rituals: How Great Minds Make Time, Find Inspiration, and Get to Work, by Mason Currey)  
Like Chopin, or Simone de Beauvoir, or Fellini, for example.

Apparently, there's no golden rule in terms of what to do exactly to secure yourself fame. Recognition. Accomplishment. Power, or money.

But there is one thing all the heroes from the book have in common.

There was some kind of habit of how they created. And the sooner they realised it, the more productive, and effective they were.

Maybe that is the reason for all to live? For me to live? Identify that habit to keep me going? And give energy to others through what I do?

Saturday, 7 November 2015


When expecting my SuperSpidergirl, I used to watch Greys Anatomy.

I know.
What could be better than a combination of blood, flesh, pain and trauma served in an aestheticly pleasing way. So real, and so authentic. Just what you need when facing a natural birth. For the first time.

There's a reason why I seem to enjoy medical, crime, and mystery themes in literature, movies, and art (The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp, one of my favourite Rembrandt pieces, being one example:).
I was supposed to join my cousins, uncles and aunts, who chose to serve people saving their lives. But apparently there was not enough talking involved in their everyday work. Therefore I went for business trade...:). Yet, I have a lot of respect for their work.

In one of the Greys episodes, I found out the eternal truth. Managed to prove it few times myself. And that's why I have a lot of respect for that TV series, too.

If you're in a deadlock, go back to the basics.
It usually works.

Friday, 6 November 2015

Live, Read, Like

My favorite philosopher, Aristotle, believed that experience is key; you are made of what you go through. Couldn't agree more.

Aristotle was an extraordinary guy. Created library in Lyceum (for that alone, I could just bow for him:_). Taught by Plato, went his own route, forming natural philosophy; something I seem to be more and more in awe of.

Taking that definition of liking someone, for example.
We like those who are like us, which is probably the reason why we are searching for similarities, even subconsciously, in those who we seem to like. To proof our point. To like them even more.
We like being liked. We are social at heart. While some of us appreciate loneliness more, it's not what makes us human - it's actually more of what helps us balance some extremely entertaining moments of our lives.
The likeness defines, more or less, our actions. Especially when the reality hits us, with anger, misunderstandings, arguments, and lack of support. We fish for those who like us. And choose them.

Choices are what make us. This is all that matters, really. And that goes beyond good, or bad. Whether we suffer, or feel extremely joyful; the emotions, feelings, and thoughts accompanying any decision making process shape us. Tweak our vulnerability. Clarify our mind. Help us focus better on what we should, and shouldn't do.

And, unlike tangible assets, these are not to be taken away from us.

Tuesday, 3 November 2015


It's all about them. Choices. Decisions. Consequences of both.

 I had a discussion about it recently, with my mum.
She's the fatalist, so she believes our destiny is written somewhere, and we just follow the path. And when we decide, it's not us, actually, as all the decisions were already taken. By someone else. By super someone.

I am on the other end of the spectrum. Believing, quite blatantly - and more like an adolescent, not an adult - that it's us, and us only who decide. Well. Almost us...

Yet, I somehow agree with her - there is something to it; some inner voice which might as well be super someone's. Which tells us what to do. Prevents us from doing something.

Or sleeps blissfully. And lets us make our own mistakes.

Friday, 30 October 2015

150 it's magic

Apparently, it's a magical number. To me.
I had a brief look at what I've been posting here so far.

Overwhelming majority of entries - 90% of them - focuses on me:), and - what's worse;) - the trend is a significantly upward one...

Usually it's about everyday stuff, with 10-15% dedicated to less shallow thoughts.

Nothing shows the above mentioned magic.
But I know what's happening now is crucial.
I wish I was more sophisticated, showing better taste in music, or in literature (some say crime and mystery is an evidence of cruelty one hopes to have some day).

But I am who I am. As far as shame from my actions and thoughts come, it's less than ever.

Not perfect either. But I'm old enough to know this is true to anyone.

All I know is emotions tend to take over, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.
But are never, ever a mistake.

Thursday, 29 October 2015

Full moon celebration

Once, I had the best full moon celebration ever.

No, actually, when I think of it, few tweaks could probably make it a little bit better. But, since I am on a non-complaint challenge, and cannot switch my wristband from one hand to another while writing, will not moan. Unless... No :)

Happy moments.

Life is short. Enjoy it. Collect happy moments. These may stay with you for longer. Memories last. And help you when you're down.

Don't miss that.

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

On the road again

Memories seem to be hitting me again.
It's been years, literally years since I was on a train to Warsaw. This is beyond belief how life can make its turn. Almost like a full cycle.

All is the same. Yet nothing is.

Wrinkles, for example. Now they're here.
I do have specific approach to wrinkles though. I cherish them as they show the character of a person better then words. Sometimes even better then body language (especially when someone has done proper training on how to speak in public, how to hide own emotions, how to control excessive moves). I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but yes, clean and pure, and very young face is nice, I agree. But it somehow lacks authenticity of an experienced one. If you look closely, you may notice whether someone prefers to laugh, or to be frowned on something. Whether they turn their face away from new things, or are easily amazed with new things. Finally, are they decent, or are they mean. That last one might be a little bit of an exaggeration, I know. But it's usually true.
To the benefit of me:)

As far as Warsaw, the city, is concerned: it's still standing. It's still a form of retail celebration, and consumerism in its pure form. However, if you look at the main streets, outside of few shopping centers and several boutiques, it's PCB: pharmacies, charity shops, and banks. Looks like there are two main waves in the city: people spending as much as they can, and beyond (the 'beauty' of a credit card), and people suffering from chronic illnesses, buying used clothes, and managing their limited funds, not spent elsewhere. Sad but true. (Changing hand for my 'no-complaints challenge' wristband right now.)

Sunday, 25 October 2015

Respect and expect

While it was so much about me lately (I know...), the parenthood is still on the agenda.
I don't think it will ever be wiped off, truly.
Even though it does bring duties, and things to consider - while planning possible out and about for example - it is truly one of the most multi-layered, and colourful experiences a human being may have.

I sometimes wonder what have I been doing with all that time previously available, now focused on my Runner, and his older SuperSpider partner in crime.
Then again, I kind of manage to have some me-time, more than ever now, and to the detriment of others, now focused on the gang. But hey, you need to be selfish to live.
There's only one life.

I recently came up with this ideal 'raise your child in a nutshell' program.

And for me, it consists of three important steps:

Let go - I mentioned it several times already; leaving space to learn, make mistakes and grow out of them is crucial; obviously it is usually the second child, and third who gets these benefits - the first one is cocooned, cherished to the extreme, and needs to have much more strong will (stubbornness, for short) to let herself out and go.

Respect - now, that is part of the previous one, in a way, but it gets deeper; it goes down to waiting and explaining. Waiting for your little one to catchup, and letting him do it on his own, in his own pace. Explaining when necessary, yes, several times usually, not loosing patience (ekhm...), and talking.
Out of talking comes the love (as Amanda Price one said, main female character in the movie Lost in Austen; and I couldn't agree more).

Expect - that's the trickiest part. You put yourself in a position of the one who plans and leads the way. Now, not to turn yourself into an all-mighty goddess, despit and tyrant is just one of the threats here. To be understood, and to express your way clearly and firmly, that is the greatest challenge, for me at least.
Since I talk so much, I blur the image, and it is difficult to get any sense out of what I am actually trying to say. That applies to all, not only children, who - in fact - get to the core much quicker, not having so many assumptions and shortcuts created by previous observations in place. But it relates to respecting: if you're good there, you fly in leading.

It's as simple as that.

It's as difficult as one can imagine.

Friday, 23 October 2015

Stretching - Hallo and Death

And all of the sudden, Halloween is here a week before.

Everyone, literally everyone is already discussing dressing up, makeup, nail art, party tips, and coctail recipes.

While I appreciate the efforts taken (and part of me envies those who have time and energy to put it all together, not to mention people to be invited at...), I feel this irritation you can only understand when you see an elf, a Santa, and a reindeer in August. Already on their way with their  Hohohohos, and presents, packed neatly - all artificial, none of that natural.

For some, 1st November is a day to remember those who are gone, who used to be with us, but didn't make until this year. They are with us whenever we remember them, and sometimes we can almost feel their presence - if the attachment was serious, or imagination triggers off.

This is real, yet not tangible.

I wish they didn't make a show out of it, with rushes through cemeteries, people falling over themselves to install over complicated structures out of candles, and flowers - again, most of these artificial, none of that natural...

And for sure, there's going to be another police action to stay safe, focused on millions of people driving like crazy across the country to get on time for yet another heartless celebration of gossiping, show-offs, and quick cleaning of tombs. All in the light of safety.

They always call it 'Votive Candle', that action - at least that's the case for Poland.
I always felt a need to rename it, to something more appropriate.
'Organ donors and swaggers gathering - yet again', for example...

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Talking shield

Talking is my shield.
I usually pull out my otherwise dormant bubbly side of me when in danger.

Never really realised that though until recently.

Nothing unusual; many people start talking a lot - and let's face it, it's usually nonsense, and let's face it again, I'm not beyond norm here either - when they feel something is not quite right. Or when they're under stress.

Which is why when I am not so much afraid anymore, I fell into silence.
Haha, well, not complete silence, that wouldn't be me :)
But I limit talking, and pull out listening (finally!)

Now, thanks to one of few real friends*) I have I'm listening to Vinyl Cafe podcasts.
And it's both relaxing, and rediscovering.

One of their latest episodes is focused on the power of the untold.
Something I will probably never master, but keep on reaching for, nonetheless.

*) some may know the type, and if they do, they're really lucky:) it's the person you're blissfully unaware of, or pretend to be, since you're so busy and involved in so many things in your life, that you just don't call, don't email, don't message for months. Literally months.
And yet, when you finally realize last time you met, or spoke, was August last year, not August few months back... You email.
And they email you back like if nothing happen. And they're not angry, or irritated (or they're great at acting:)
And (how sophisticated my language has become...) when I really think of it, they are my only real friend. Sad and happy at the same time:) ...

Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Step out and be happy

When you do something outside of your comfort zone, all of the sudden there's this calmness in you.

And you know you did well.

No admiration, no clapping, no appreciation from anyone required.
Just accomplishment in you. 
And a smile.

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Hope and self-regard

I recently read this quote:
'Hope is the confident expectation that something good is going to happen' (Joyce Meyer)

Not sure if I can rely to this.
While I use the word pretty often, it's actually more due to the fact that I cannot find an equivalent:)
To me, hoping means - in short - giving up.
You don't do, you hope. You don't act, you wait. You don't go, you stay. And hope.

We tend to overuse the notion of hope, like if by some magical way it could transform what we wish and want into a reality, without a touch of action required; definitely no action on our side.
Selfish, really.
Then again, being selfish is the most natural feeling, unfortunately very well dispraised across modern societies. Wrongly interpreted as cockiness.

I only recently rediscovered my selfishness. And feel much better about it:) to the detriment of the others, possibly, but if they believe I can be happy and good to others without acknowledging me and my needs first... Well, then it's their problem.

I try to teach that to my kids. It's you who is the most important, it's your good opinion about yourself that matters most. Don't let anyone take that away from you.
It's difficult, but it actually goes down to little things. Like talking about something my Superspider girl chooses to wear. And teasing her a bit, saying that it will probably look not quite right.
Then she usually replies: 'No, it will not. And besides, it's me and I like it!'
My girl:))

Yet, selfishness requires action. If you want to do something for yourself, exactly - you have to do it. Otherwise it will stay in that unreal land of imagination, however nice and comfortable, and cozy, definitely not close to real life.

I don't cross out the power of hoping. In many situations, critical and everyday ones, it is all we got.
Also, I fully respect those who tend to cling to hope. And stay there.
But for me, it is a short-term stop.
Unless you're happy in that imagination land.

I am no more.

Sunday, 18 October 2015


There's always this irritating phase, sometimes usually lasting longer than expected, where everything is not in the right place. Typical during any rejuvenating project of any scale, from clearing your top drawer from papers, bills, and clips, to preparing yourself to throw into the not so well known.

I'm in the latter. 
And since mastering procrastination (hate the word, which I think I mentioned here before), I will easily focus on the former first. To the benefit of sets of drawers becoming spotless. But not for long:)

There's always this irritation and anger that accompanies such revamping endeavor.

But not this time. While I get angry with those little paper clips, suddenly appearing everywhere (never to be found when you actually need them, though), I feel complete stillness, silence, and calmness when it comes to the serious part.
Does that mean I have it thought through so well?
Does it rather mean I am completely ignorant of all the possible obstacles?

Recently heard you need to analyse yourself, and been told various methods how to do that, and then it's all about going with the flow.

So. I'm fastening my seat belts. And here I go:))

Saturday, 17 October 2015


This collection of thoughts - random, vague, and with clarity still being a long way ahead - was inspired by a book review done by lovely Nicola Sarah, available here

There are many who think we can do anything, and all that happens around us, with us, to us - is a reflection, or effect of our own doings.
There are equally many who strongly believe in all our lives being already planned, scheduled, and drawn somewhere by someone, with us only following, without being able to change anything.

I have no idea.
I used to be in the second gang, then moved swiftly to the first.
Now I don't know.

So many little things happening, tweaks appearing out of nowhere, relying to other experiences in my life of which I completely forgotten.

Meeting amazing people, of who I might have hard, but who I never thought would have any chance to welcome in my life, and who happen to be so in line with my thoughts, my beliefs, my understandings. 
To the point that it's actually scary.
And afraid not to scare them away. Since I talk that much - the threat is real:)!

I recall amazing movie, Blind Choice (Przypadek), by Krzysztof Kieslowski, equally amazing Polish director and creator.
It was a story of a guy whose life is shown in 3 different variations, all probable, and all started by either missing a train, or being on time at a platform.
The way it was shown, how he was meeting different people in various points of time, either being with them on friend terms, or just passing them by.
How his life was a combination of incidental and random acts, that in fact was neither.
All because of one simple activity he succeeded in, or failed to fulfil.

So I guess it makes me now a believer of both.
That life is a mixture of what we do, and who we meet - and we only can do this much.

Friday, 16 October 2015


1:53 am
Not a Sleeping Beauty. Again.
This time, however, there's nothing wrong with her lack of sleep.

It's as if the world was all hers.

Such a wonderful feeling. It will probably never happen again.

Enjoying while it lasts.


Monday, 12 October 2015

Into sports

There's something fascinating about team sports.

The clarity of rules (rugby not included; why there are 2 systems in place? Union and league? Is there anyone not confused with this?) versus the uniqueness of people following them.

The commitment, the need to participate, to do something together, to act out (a play is a play), to have fun, to release endorphins, to laugh, to get tired, to feel better about oneself.

While I tend to follow individual route, this is - let's face it - my decision of necessity, not of choice. If there were enough people around me who I know, who I could hang out, I would enjoy it much more than lonely walks (not bad either, quite a release and reshaping moment in between fascinating playground endeavors).

I think we're more animals then we tend to admit. We like to describe everything with sophisticated words and elaborated descriptions. But it all is much simpler.

Everyone of us has one life. One. 
And whether we spend it alone, or with someone, it's up to us.
We can have it all, we can stick to one option throughout our lives.
But it's up to us.

So, when your choice of loneliness is something bothering you, and there seems to be no one to ease it up, team sport might work. Not on all levels, and not in a long term.
But as a quick pick-me-up - it's great.

Sunday, 11 October 2015

Great success

Little things are no longer on the money. Now you have to do spectacular things, or shocking things to get noticed by a wider audience.
But I couldn't care less.

Therefore, my great success from this morning is this: a night slept through, and no wake up call at 3am:)))

There's 2 more, actually.
One is dealing with the present, although not very uplifting, rather necessary.
The other is something I have never done before, and I wouldn't even suspect doing.

But hey, life is about exploring, and being open to possibilities:)))

A breakthrough morning, indeed:)))

Saturday, 10 October 2015

Hit it

I was almost run over by a car yesterday.

It passed me by less than few inches away.
Quite scary, and all went into slow motion. Like in some kind of helpless movie about an elderly woman who wasn't sure which language she spoke.
(That is the result I got describing me in one of these silly games where you're suppose to read the third sentence from the page 45 of a book you happen to read at the moment. Mine was: 'It still isn't clear which language she's speaking'... There you go)

But that's about it in terms of any resemblance to the cinematography industry.
There was no zen moments.
No images of breakthrough milestones from my life flashing through my mind.

Just two thoughts, one about the kids. And another one not. Quite a nice one, actually.

I might share it with someone one day. Not now though. It's still too fresh, that whole adventure of mine.

Also, I'm consequently pushing away any what if questions.
No ifs. No deliberation over the past.
Just desperately trying to think about now, and about the future.
Not so desperately actually.
Well, maybe a bit (overthinking what already had happened used to be one of my favourite activities).
But only a bit:))

Friday, 9 October 2015


The last 3-4 weeks has been, for some reason, one of the most hectic periods of my life.

Not in general, but in terms of sleeping, it's almost as if I had another little baby to care for at nights.

Waking up around 3 am became a habit:)

And obviously, that is harmful to me, but it gave opportunity to think. A lot.

But, restoration and wit are on the money, therefore I had to do something to stop those night calls.

And I figured out that if I apply some kind of routine to those night wake ups, it really helps to sooth my brain, let it recharge fully, and feel fully refreshed in the morning (well, that part is actually closer to truth after cleansing, toning, and moisturizing, but it sounds good when it's said like that, right?:)

Basically, you have to go to the basics. And treat yourself like you would treat a little baby, that has no understanding, or a vague one at most, on what is going on, why she feels sleepy, why she is angry and cannot fall asleep even if she wants to.
It is common to have a plan then, with few activities coming one after another, and ticking the boxes as they're completed. The baby understands it's repeatable therefore it's safe, she knows what comes next and feels secure, she goes to sleep quicker (reality sometimes verifies that approach, but still, it usually works). This, and calm approach help massively.

I decided to do the same. Be calm and have a routine in place.
Like reading a book for 15 minutes, drinking a glass of water with lemon, and thinking a while. But not too deep. And definitely not worry about anything.
So for example the dreams I have are quite nice, and positive, and something I wish was happening in real life (and maybe it will, who knows:).
Thinking about those dreams is a great idea for my brain to wander around, and calm down.
And then, it is easier to go back to sleep.
Rather than spending 2 hours in this half-awake, half-horror situation, it is now half an hour at most.
And all that after one week of my 'method' of self-soothing being put in place.

Looks like I'm getting there:)...

Thursday, 8 October 2015

Love is

I read this yesterday.
And it struck me...

'A relationship, with a right person, is a release, not a restriction.'
(Beau Taplin, The Liberation)

This is exactly what I have been thinking about recently. A lot.

How does it happen that we bind ourselves to someone, and let them have our strengths, and powers, and feel good about it, and then, out of nowhere really, it starts to bother us?
Nothing changes yet everything is not the same.
Minor things which were nothing, which were just part of their personalities, which we even laughed at together, these are suddenly huge obstacles, something we cannot deal with every day.

No matter how huge the space between us, it becomes not enough.

And so, we miss each other - pass each other by. Wishing we were not together, wishing we were alone, wishing we could breath deeply, without that constant feeling of being watched, without that series of tips and hints of how we should do things the right way (obviously, our way is completely wrong, full of mistakes, and overconfidence).

And so, we get to the point, the breaking point, where - no matter the circumstances - we don't want it anymore.
We feel guilty, we get an idea we require too much, we know many people who are happy in much worse conditions, situations, relationships.

But then we think, why not deserve more. Why not be more at peace with ourselves. Why not be yourself, not just a blurred reflection of what somebody else expects. Reflection we hardly recognize as ourselves.

It's tricky:)

Life is a journey. Keep going.

Monday, 5 October 2015

one liner

If I were to think, which is my one-liner these days, that clause, or sentence, which I tend to use most, it would be this:
'It's tricky.'

Used in various contexts, and in different situations, seems to fill a gap in any reasoning I happen to express to anyone.

Today, it was used when I agreed with a lady who happen to get a bit lost while trying to identify the shortest way possibly from one metro line to another.
We went together, as I love helping people (it's selfish, really, it feeds my need to hear thank yous...). And we chatted a bit along the way.
She hasn't been in London for few years, and got all confused. I feel like a quarter Londoner at most, but it was a nice turning point of my afternoon today. Guiding someone.

She happened to be Welsh, and that brought some carefree memories of me hiking Tryfan ages ago, and then following my 2 companions down, also the shortest way possible, just like the lady from today.
Rather then elevators, lifts, and passages we had gravel, deep steep paths, and a jump from one stone platform to another, simply because it was quicker, and there was no point turning back... That day, I faced my fear for height for the first time.

Still, it was today when I said 'it's tricky'. Not back then.

Apparently, passing through a multi-level shopping centre is more challenging to me now then a mountain hike.

I'm getting older;)

Sunday, 4 October 2015


Does it even still exist?

Usually, when someone starts a sentence with 'honestly', or 'frankly speaking', you have 90% chances the clause that follows is fake.

Lying is now easier then ever.
That starts with images of fake bodies, unreal faces photoshopped to the extreme in the media.
Then there goes the idea we all have about ourselves, even if it's a subconscious one, the one we want others to know, not necessarily being a real reflection of who we are indeed.
Then economical reasoning - you won't tell your boss he is ugly and unfair, if you want to keep the job; best case scenario you end up muttering something and be looked at as a weirdo.

Then we have all that huge area of political correctness.
Then appropriateness.
Then social acceptance.

Lying becomes your second nature quicker than you think.
And then it slips through your appearance, your thoughts, your choices, and your beliefs.

So, when you come across someone who you can be really honest with, and not being judged, you should stick to him.

Cause it rarely ever happens.

Friday, 2 October 2015

Mustela UK maternity range product launch

That time yesterday, I was sitting in quite a comfortable chair at the French Chamber of Commerce in London, listening to a presentation describing Mustela.
Yesterday was also the day when their completely refurbished range of products was launched here in the UK.

Saying that I enjoyed the day is a huge understatement. There were laughs, there were treats, there was an interesting discussion about the products, and how carefully they are placed on the market.

How difficult, yet how simple it can all be, if you actually care.

Mustela has quite a unique approach to business; they don't want to sell as much as possible.
They want to sell wisely, to those who care, just like them, about their own quality of life, and about the life of others.
While I know for most it may sound like a marketing cliche, it really does matter.
All of the packaging is 100% recycled.
Only 8% of ingredients is non organic, and even then these are carefully selected raw materials, harmless for women and their babies.
Finally, the distribution is ran through independent pharmacies.
(Meaning, you want find them in the mainstream shop, next to a bunch of semi-dermo ones; but they're available online:)

The maternity range was initially tailored to suit the needs of expecting and existing mums.
But I think it would suit anyone.
The smelling is delicate, the packaging is quite appealing (that body:), and the product can solve your early stretch marks, or tired legs in a blink of an eye:)))

It's simply not to be missed.

For me, all these details were very important (you know, youth is in my soul, probably;), not necessarily that transparent when I face a mirror)...

But the icing on the cake was something else (the cakes were delicious however:)).
I met few wonderful inspirational women who write like me, have opinion on things, are successful and content with what they do in their life.
Women who I can look up to.

Thank you to Bloggers Launch (lovely Shabz) and to Mustela team (Veronique and Kristina) for yesterday.
Quite a day, I say. Quite a day ...:))))

Thursday, 1 October 2015

Up and in the air

And so I'm up again.

It's the usual magical 3am. Sometimes scary, but I got used to it by now.

I'm starting to enjoy these silent times, just for me. However detrimental to my health (getting better though, as now it's usually only half an hour before I drift back), there's no one around, and I can just read a little, and think a lot, or the other way round.

Life is short.

I've recently shifted - finally - from the past into the future. Instead of the usual 'I should've done this / I shouldn't have said that' breakdown, it's more about fantasies (not the very accurate word but it's 3 am, I'm doing my best here), and how I see my expectations and goals to be fulfilled.

Highly recommended :)))

Tuesday, 29 September 2015


While I'm in the middle of reading three to four books now (the fourth one just started, therefore not sure whether I should include it here:), in one of them there was this incredible statement.
Which I find almost like an eternal truth.
It goes in the lines of:

'Anyone should be able to fall in love at least once in their lifetime.'

And I couldn't agree more.

Sunday, 27 September 2015

The sense of hearing

In the current world, so overloaded with images of equally unreal and ideal beauties, no longer human, more of an android sf movie, hearing is on demand.
Listening became a virtue rediscovered over and over again.
Quite ironic.

As not being from the strikingly beautiful club, clearly, I've always had good listening skills.
I liked to hear, and sit silent when other spoke.
Observing them, trying to see through.
Which is why Lie to Me is my top 3 favourite, which I mention recently by the way:)

Yet, when I write this, I realise how few of the key facts from my so called everyday life somehow slipped through.
How I haven't noticed minor things which, if noticed, would have saved me hell of a trouble now.

Silliness is not a state of mind. But it is not a phase in life, either.


Saturday, 26 September 2015

The meaning of life

This sounds very serious.
Too serious, even.

I recently read somewhere, probably on FB..., that quote:
'don't take your life too seriously; no one gets out of it alive'

And I know how cliche that sounds, but actually it finally reached me:
I will never ever get that hour back.
I won't be able to live that day twice.
I will not see the same people at the same time ever again.

Rather than moaning about it (which I could have MBA in by now, by the way), it's much better to live.
Not overthink what's going on. Not get frustrated by little things. Not see myself as others might probably see.

Look at self, and decide what I want, and get it.
As simple as that.
Cause only when I am happy with what is going on, and how I feel, only then others will get a glimpse of that happiness, too.

And that is my meaning of life. For now:)

Friday, 25 September 2015

My favourite tv series

No, I still don't have a tv.
Everything is fine.

I just thought that it would be good for me to have that note somewhere here about my 3 best tv series.
3 I actually watched.

The first one is quite obvious: it's the game of thrones.
While I enjoyed the books a lot, it came to me that since watching the episodes I actually think of the books through what I saw on screen. And it's only sometimes different from what I saw with my mind's eyes. And I don't mind it at all.

The next 2 I was lucky enough to be given by a friend of mine (the one you don't happen to have many in your life, that will listen to you, and write you back even if you 'ignore' him for good few months and don't email, or contact, or anything - which has its explanation but still it's ignorance - tested and proved, (un)fortunately).
So these are Lie to Me, and Californication.

The first, if anyone haven't seen it before, is a great great idea wrapped around a psychological concept. Or the other way round, depending how you look at it. All served in a charming and funny way, with the main character being neither handsome, really, nor sleek. But one of those you wish you've met in real life. Easily enchanting.:)

And then, the last one. With main character again being well yes handsome this time, but definitely not sleek. Or sleek, but not groomed. Yet surrounded by a massive amount of beautiful women. Yet not irritating. Despite obvious thoughts around lack of strong female characters I really enjoyed it.

So, here they are. My top 3 :)

Thursday, 24 September 2015

What are you reading Wednesday shared on Thursday

My current read is Philip K Dick: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

A phrase from page 34:
'He wondered, now, about her, too. Some female androids seemed to him pretty; he had found himself physically attracted by several, and it was an odd sensation, knowing intellectually that they were machines but emotionally reacting anyhow.'

Would I like to live in this world?
Not for all the time, but I'd like this idea for a month. Or two. The concept of singularity is really intriguing me lately. The one that, since artificial intelligence is being developed at a much quicker pace to the one of humans, eventually the day may come when the people are being managed and controlled by the machines.
It happens now, with emergency units and critical care provided to those with serious illnesses. Yet, it's being supervised by other people.
What if there were no others? Just technical equipment?
Quite a read, and quite a thought I have in result...

(Inspired by Book Bunny blog post, available here.:)

Story to tell

I was listening to a really eye-opening podcast last night.

(Figured out that if you cannot sleep, and your thoughts, however pleasing, make you a yawning wreck the next morning - you can spend that sleepless time with a valuable audio, and almost drift away - not very good from rehealing process point of view, and brain recharge, but at least gives your eyes some rest.)

It was all about PR.

And I can see now all of these 3 people reading this are getting a bit irritated (hopefully;), or bored (probably) to the point they leave.

So now it's just me:)

The summary of the podcast:

It's not about PR these days. You cannot get the right message through unless you really believe in what you say, unless you know why you want to say it, unless you get the 'now it's the time' attitude.

It's all about the story.

And as an entrepreneur, who is looking for publicity, you should be fully aware of what's different, and unique about your activities, or you.
Otherwise, you should just quit the whole self-employed / limited company endeavor you are trying to get successful with, and - according to the speaker - 'get a real job'.

My view on things:

I appreciate all the details the speaker kindly shared with us, the audience.
You cannot ignore her 20+ years experience in journalism, and the depth of her understanding of what the good story promoting your business really is, and really should be.

However, I find her attitude to a lack of confidence every - and I know it, so I can definitely stand for what I'm saying here:) - every entrepreneur sometimes faces, I find it wrong.

You are not always sure what is it that you do so well.
Sometimes is subconscious.
Sometimes it's all about simple things, and you are yet to discover its uniqueness.
Sometimes you get lost.

These are all completely understandable, and normal feelings.
And if, by any chance, you approach an expert in promoting in any of these moments, the last thing you need is this - oh, you don't know what is good about your business, then go away.



Wednesday, 23 September 2015

What's up

I can't sleep recently.
It's not like total insomnia, but close.

Well, not really, I'm exaggerating a little bit (teetering at the verge of exaggeration, to be precised;).

I can sleep, but then I don't really feel I need to. Which is silly, obviously, as brain needs to rest, and clear, and dispose of all the unnecessary thoughts, or unfinished lines that I will never ever go back to...

I run on adrenaline. And desire. And thoughts which are neither unnecessary, or random. But yes, they require action. And completion.

(Reading the above though, you don't need to be an inquisitive reader to discover that huge vocabulary seems to be not a friend of mine these days. Has it ever been, is another question... It's all about 'I', and 'And' - what a great area for improvement there alone....:)

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Need for ... What exactly?

The pattern goes like this:
A tragedy happens, of all sorts. You're overwhelmed, confused, angry, and in pain.

Then you realise you're not alone.
There are many people out there, or here (depending how you go about your own feeling, and exposing yourself to others), that went through the same. Feel the same.

You don't care at first, but then you think that maybe you can transform that bad into something good.

So you run a charity, or join one.
You start an awareness campaign, or support one.
You act.

How much of that is because of your need for recognition, or fame? How much is your real need to do something with the enormous burden you were faced with? How much is real you?

Friday, 18 September 2015

Book reviewed - The Retail Therapist by Colette Kebell

It's a quick read, and although labelled as a chick-lit, it gives you something more: a meaning of life, almost.

If you're looking for an entertaining read with soul to it, laughter and some 'Ah, yes, so true' moments, you should definitely give it a go.

I did. And enjoyed it.

Wednesday, 16 September 2015


Now, that's something to be threatened by. And afraid of. But also excited.

Last weekend, it was all about defining my abilities to understand the world, and where it's going, and how to find my own entrepreneurial spirit, without loosing it all.
Quite an experience.

A mixture of motivational approach, packed into a nicely presented brief on how virtual reality speeds up.

Funny how obvious things require extra explanation.
How my own view on things can only be clarified when I actually step away from my own little world.

I'm a star, apparently. I kind of knew it ;)...

Sunday, 13 September 2015

New world

I'm thinking, it's all wonderful, Microsoft hololens, go pros, Apple watches and so on. It's great, you can actually immerse into the world of your imagination. Amazing. You're there, in the centre of things.

You can see it all.

But you miss a touch. Of the other person next to you. Immersed in their own world of imagination.


Monday, 7 September 2015

Prune or peach, my first reprint

This is a raw version of an article I wrote for trustedcosmetics.com 2 weeks ago. Hope all of my 2 readers will find it interesting;) Humans need to drink water to survive. Your body is approximately 60 percent water, your brain is 70 percent water, and your lungs are nearly 90 percent water. Each day, your body must replace 2.4 liters -- or about 2.5 quarts of water -- through ingested liquid and foods. Ok, we all know that, or need to try really really hard to be oblivious to that. Yet, there are still very many people, of different ages, who ignore that. What's more, some of them avoid drinking water, but happily invest in expensive beauty and skincare products, to make their skin look better. Let me tell you this: to let the surface glow you need to give it nutritional basis. Otherwise, you're skinned. More literal than you think. What if you tend to forget about drinking water? Set an alarm clock for every 2 hours , reminding yourself to drink a glass of water. If you're a breastfeeding mum, make sure you drink at least a glass of water right after each feed. Yes, that includes night ones, too. Still not convinced? ... Have you ever seen a prune? Would you like your skin to look like that? Or rather like that of a juicy peach? Both options available. Both within easy reach...

Sunday, 6 September 2015

5 (+) weeks of silence

sometimes it's just a bad brain day... sometimes the world around sucks you in, and takes you all...
sometimes you're just lazy.

All three happened to me lately:)) plus, some holiday, nothing too extraordinary, but wonderful and already missed. A lot...

Back on track now though. I guess...

Friday, 31 July 2015

Expose Yourself

I could easily be one of the 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' stunts crew members (anyone still recalls that movie?)

Showing off, talking about my feelings in public, putting me in the centre of attention - these statements couldn't be more far away from a true definition of me. Yet, I write this blog. And yet, I decided to put up with the jumping LookAtMe theme so many people join, more or less successfully. 

Regardless of the fact that writing a blog is not yet still done by every single (and married) member of the public, worldwide, many of us do try to shine. And put the best possible set of behaviour techniques on show. Including posting positive images, and life snapshots on Facebook.

You would rarely see the image of someone feeling extremely angry, or very annoyed with someone they usually love, are happy, or chill out with - unless it aims at shocking others.

My point is, you post about a positive side of you.
While we know this is not the whole truth.
Only the ones who know you well (or live next to you in a multi-flat block) know more about you.

Fakiness surrounds us. And so called social media, which are meant to connect us, end up with promoting that fakiness...

I'm not an exception.
I write about many things happening to me, and around me.

But I don't tell it all.
No one does.

Does that make me a truly honest person though? ...

Thursday, 30 July 2015

Reading Habits Tag

I've been tagged by a lovely Nicola, author of an ever amazing Book Bunny blog (check this out, you won't regret it;), and this is quite an exciting experience for me. I'm going to talk about me - nothing new there, I am well aware of that, yet it's going to be about me with a twist, as it is books-oriented... 

Questions and answers, here we go:

Do you have certain places at home for reading?
Yes, well, if my husband is reading it - he might ;) - he will know the answer to this already. You see, there is a chair, nothing special about its construction, or in fact any super comfy features... But it is placed in a focal part of our living room. You can read and still be in the whirl... Or at least pretend to be...

Bookmark or random piece of paper?
Neither. It is usually something I connect to in a certain moment of time: a ticket from a cinema (when was the last time I went to see a movie?), an exhibition ticket (does a 6-12 years old 'Against Captain's Orders' counts?), or a lovely letter my SuperGirl made for me - it's nice to have something that really matters, reveals good memories, or simply makes you feel emotional, and less irritated with little things. Even more positive when you're reading.

Can you just stop reading or do you have to stop after a chapter/ a certain amount of pages?
I would like to think of myself as loyal, therefore I try to do my best to finish a chapter. Never thought of reading in terms of number of pages, though. Considering the fact I just read a book in one go last night, up until 3am, ekhm), it looks like my loyalty exceeds my expectations. Sometimes.

Do you eat or drink while reading?
I would very much like to say no, but the fact is I do. Try to stick to my favourite apples whenever possible. To make it a little bit more healthy...

Multitasking: Music or TV while reading?
Distractions are part of my everyday life, and I managed to make others believe I am listening while actually I am more focused on what I'm reading. Meaning, I do understand when they say something, I even get the content; I am just not always able to articulate a reasonable answer... Music always welcome. TV non existent therefore no such issue:))

One book at a time or several at once?
If a book is a page-turner, all the others sit tight and wait for their turn. If a book requires more thoughtful approach, I tend to procrastinate - no need to pretend I don't - and reach for a lighter counter-option. I have a logical explanation to that, obviously: this is just to balance my thoughts more effectively;) 

Reading at home or everywhere?
Do you remember that chair:)?

Reading out loud or silently in your head?
Yes, if it's for my little ones, I read out loud. But I love to have that comfort of reading just for me, and wander to another reality...

Do you read ahead or even skip pages?
That would be cheating, and actually the worst type - as I would be unfaithful to myself. It happened to me once, or twice, though, that I left the book unfinished. And then yes, I skipped a whole good chunk of the content, just to see how it ended. But it's not worth it in general.

Breaking the spine or keeping it like new?
Usually I read for pleasure, and comfort; therefore if breaking is the only option, I will go for it. But I like to see a book as good as new when I finish reading it.

Do you write in your books?
No. Not even a single note in a paper book, or on a Kindle version. Which is not that bad, as then I usually can read the same book twice, and since there are no notes, I don't recall the plot that much:)))

Well, enough about me then. For a while...
If any of the following book readers, which I'm inspired by and look up to, would like to spare a minute, or two, and answer the same list of questions, I'd be honored:))) (No pressure though)

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Decision fatigue

Recently my husband and I, we were discussing an interesting issue - well, it was and is interesting to us;) - which usually comes up when a decision needs to be made.

I'm sure I mentioned that before, at least once.

I'm terrible with choices.
They scare me, haunt me, don't let me sleep - yet I happen to master procrastination to the full when I need to make them.

 Actually, it looks like there's a reason. The more decisions, both small and big, minor and important, short- and long term ones we have to make, the more fed up we become. Each next choice we need to make makes us more tired, and eventually: it's much more difficult to decide.

While me being afraid of decisions also proves the fact I'm not very good with changes in general, it might help to know the above 'scheme' our mind seems to go through. And 'act accordingly'.

I've never thought of decision making processes as something limited, since we utilize circa 7-8% of our brain. But yes, it makes sense - there is a dedicated and finite space available for us each day to make up our minds. And the way we use it, and whether we prioritize a list if decisions to be made - it's totally up to us.

 Therefore, from last week I started planning. Little things at first. Including what I would wear, what I would eat for breakfast, how I would start my day - the first 1-2 hours.

I'm amazed with the results:) it's so refreshing to be able to do minor tactical things flawless, and without actually having to think about them.

Equally surprising was another thing, much more important - it was a little bit easier for me to actually sort strategic things out.
It was still far from seamless.
But I wasn't stuck as usual with the 'what shall we do, business-wise, in the next 12 months' idea. 

Funny big little discoveries of mine - planning small helps make big decisions ... :)

Friday, 24 July 2015

Friendship - the latest definition

It was one of the last schooldays this term; crispy morning light, air still fresh before the sun hits with warmth and glow...

We were discussing friendship on our way to school, when my 6-year old said:
- It's a bit like love.
- Yes, it is a bit like that - I said, as I didn't know where this conversation was going, and was afraid to spoil it with my semi-psychological reviews.
- It's all maths, too - she added - but not numbers, the other part...

It took me a while (I was not the brightest that day...;), before I suggested:
- Logic?
- Yes, that part. It's all logic - friendship.
- What about emotions then? - this was becoming more interesting than many personal development seminars you find about these days.
- Well, that too. But you either like someone, he likes you back, and you're friends. Or, he likes you, you don't, you're not friends. It's simple.

True. Someone doesn't need a training on self-confidence... And some other person does. But that's another story.

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

All the colours

There has been an increase of tolerance being shown of, thrown easily onto FB profiles of people, and so on. I get the concept, have nothing against it, just hope all the joyful participants are truly ok with the concept of gender equality.
I call myself a tolerant person, too. Yet I find the subject personal, too personal to share with all the people. Including my friends from social media, and my friends in real life. I think it is conformity, and honesty - two concepts that stuck with me since childhood. You wanted to join a gang, you had to act like the gang. If you lied, you were dead to them.
Teaching your child sincerity, and understanding the differences is one of the most challenging values I find in today's world. It is so easy to hide behind prejudices, laugh at someone's inability to do something the way someone else does. Since I'm kind of involved into beauty-related concepts, it is even more visible. People laugh at your uneven feline flick, point fingers at your uneven skin tone, make 'funny' jokes about your weight, your look, your outfit...
How to explain your little ones this is just the outside? That inside is what matters after all? How to stay firm, not naive, how to survive in today's jungle?:))
So difficult, especially when I'm the one who struggles with these in the first place...

Thursday, 18 June 2015


Love, hate, jealousy, desire: these are all emotions. It's always up to us to control them, or let them control us.

I happen to made lifetime decisions based on all of these feelings. Some were good, some should be classified as a learning curve.

But never bad. Regretted only twice;)

Listening to this by Björk - one of my all-time favourites.

Monday, 15 June 2015

The secret

There is something in the air tonight that tells me I shouldn't be writing this. At all. I should go and get a sound 8 hours of sleep. Get a book. Exercise. Finally plan my next move(s).

Procrastination though seems to be what I do best. Therefore, rather than do any of the above mentioned reasonable options, I will keep my hands on the keyboard. To the detriment of any potential reader:_)

My secret to survive the 37th year of my life is to ignore. Be as oblivious as possible. Miss looking deep into my eyes in a mirror, and ask myself should I really be doing what I am doing. Go with the flow.

This isn't even a beginning of another 7-year cycle (5 more years to go there), where apparently you change, as your skin changes, and every cell in your body changes. So, why now?

Well, why not? Should I wait until I am older (inevitable), wiser (hard to believe), more at peace with my life (ekhm), less moody (improbable). Apparently, now is the peak of my self-esteem (farewell, modesty). And I should grab it.

What I am trying to say here is this: the more you do, the better - in general. As somehow, in a magical way in my opinion, time can wonderfully expand. And suddenly you can fit in much more than you think you could before you started fulfilling yet another pursue.

Now, that is tricky. I may not see a sign where people around me start avoiding me, or treat me like a weirdo. My closest family included.
I am not saying though you should be working 20 hours a day. That is silly - you have one life, you can do whatever you want with it, but if you have someone beside you that you care about, and are responsible about in a way - you should know where to stop. It tool me few years once to do that. So I know it is difficult.

I am just trying to say it is sometimes as important to follow your dream, as it is to care about the others. Content you = content closest ones. That's it. My secret:_)

Sunday, 14 June 2015

Facebook is my life

When did it happen? I haven't really noticed. Yet, somehow, this became my second nature. And it firmly stays there.

I could try and analyze it the smart way: necessity to 'talk' to someone; endless possibilities to speak, and be heard; ability to join trillions of groups, and express yourself whenever you want, and create your image in so many ways. It is beyond belief.

Actually, sometimes it is not true after all - people fake their personalities and their opinions just to be more trustworthy in what they do - again, beyond belief.
I became one of them - well, apart from that fakiness - don't really have energy to create false facts and figures. You would need extra time for that, too:_)
But I became linked to Facebook more than I admit, and definitely more than I should.
And no justification (yes, a business profile could be one, but... There are at least good few more platforms that could be used, and I seem to be oblivious there...).

Like any other form of addiction, you need to set your limits. Have a plan, a timetable, a schedule, with space dedicated to breath, have fun, and enjoy. Something I always struggle with. Something I always tend to avoid. Something that pays off really well, if you actually follow it.

I guess my work-life balance is just one vast space for improvement here...

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

My most recent definition of happiness

This morning, it hit me. I finally got it. I think.

My mum is the one who will not stop working - office addict in a way. I was never really fully supportive of her decision, and would rather gently try and, unsuccessfully, talk her to actually get over it, focus on home, identify a hobby, and stick to it. While I cannot imagine her knitting, I thought some local social, or supportive groups in need of a leader would be thrilled.

But today, on our way to school, when the sun was shining, and the wind was blowing our minds off, I got it.

You need to have somewhere to go to feel happy.

Some take it more literally than others.
Some have more strong will, or passion, then others.
Some will immerse in a new venture, and discover new sides of themselves, again more than others.

That's it. No need to judge, convince, criticize. It's all about inner self.

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

First days of June - reflections of a 6.5 year old

Mum, do you know - said my 6.5 year old Bella (she wears that dress all the spare time these days, which is good, in a way - who wold have thought when buying a costume party outfit that it would be worn over and over again, despite no parties as such? a new approach to lets-not-waste:_)

Hm? - I said (I know I should've been more polite, and give something like - what is it my Dear - as an answer, but we were going up the hill, and I had the buggy with one million bags, the usual nomad approach to everyday life, no change there, ironically)

Do you know, that with each step we are more far away, and closer at the same time?

She's a genius!
And so much like her mother, it's insane ;)


I don't like this - she said, pointing at one of those Juliette balconies, ridiculously looking indeed.

Why? - I said, such an original opening quote.

What's the point? No use. Silly - she stated.

She's such a remarkable observer!
Again, she reminds me of her mum in every single second like this ;)


'I don't feel like eating breakfast. I'm too tired...'

(well, that is not exactly my ideal approach to a morning routine, but yes, I remember situations when glass of water, and a mug full of coffee were my breakfast... Shame on me)

Sunday, 31 May 2015

Insane - beauty related

Last evening was again one of these when I watched few tutorials on applying the perfect concealer for tired eyes. Until late. Ironically again, trying to fall asleep instead - as obviously the healthiest option of all - didn't occur to me.

Today I followed my mini 'todo' list for this weekend, by sorting all the stuff I apparently use as part of my morning / evening skincare and makeup routine. Looks like I believe all eye cream manufacturers in the world are planning to cease their production anytime soon, until further notice, but 6-7 months at a minimum. No spare bar of soap though.

No chocolate bars (left) either:_) which is reassuring - my bikini set may see daylight this summer actually.

This May was packed with online activities, which is new to me, but interesting at the same time. I had a chance to read so many wittily written short stories, and poems, all inspiring, and all motivational to the full.

Finally, it's been a month where I was selfish more often than usual. And it was a great experience for me, not so great for my family though, as one can imagine.

The longer I live, the more I see how easy it is to loose track, focus and attention. How other people you meet can either lift you up, or drawn you in their own problems, and expect you to feel their misery. Not saying that we should all be compassion-free, but there are limits. It's just a question of becoming aware of that need for your own 'stop' sign, searching for the perfect spot to put it up, and keep reminding yourself where it is placed.