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Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Doing nothing

This is my ideal day off. Seating at the pool, occasionally sipping drinks / cocktails, jumping in and out of the water once every hour or so, laying comfortably in a chair (that should actually be a futon;), reading a not-baby-related book, getting warmed in the sun, feeling and looking awesome.
Ok, that's actually version no 1.
Version no 2 includes sweat, a backpack on my back with all the stuff needed for 2-week hols, high mountains full of sun, trekking and feeling muscles burnt, looking fit and awesome (with the sweaty part off the picture, actually).
Finally, there's version no 3: sitting in a comfy armchair, with hot tea&lemon (not scalding hot; the only person I knew could drink such hot stuff was my grandpa, and even he knew lemon doesn't like 100 C...), treating my mild headache in a fully relaxing way, warm socks, soft pillow and a blankie.
And that's what I'm about to do for the next 7 mins, i.e. until my SuperSpidergirl comes, asking for something. Since I believe in New Years Eve behavior = all year ahead behaviour, I won't say the usual no...;)))

Monday, 29 December 2014

Resolutions, continued

I'm miserable at executing plans. This goes to the point where I no longer wish to plan ahead, cause I know I will never do what I intend. Pitiful, I know. And safe.

This time, I decided to face my fears, and actually organize my life for the next 12 months. Or, at least, try to do so. Realizing what my weaknesses are, and attempting to change is something for start, isn't it?

Will see how it goes...

1 Yr ago... and resolutions

Today is exactly 1 year since our mini-man started walking. And that, to be honest, is more significant to me then another year passing by, New Year's Eve hedonic celebration (which I have nothing against, seriously; just no longer available and able to loose yourself completely in enjoying the moment), and the fact I should be planning things. Again.

My no-longer-that-little girl started walking around Xmas as well; it was in mid-December after her 1st birthday. 

Walking. Everyone who has children seems to be cherishing that milestone more than necessary, to be honest. Then again, it is an obvious act of human being's first independent action, and as such should be valued, indeed...

I guess that makes New Year's resolutions, and action plans people are supposed to do around that time, quite important: a sequential activity of intending to act, and follow that intention with, well, a set of actions. Quite like the first time a person starts to walk, somehow planning that fact beforehand, a bit subconsciously, but still.

Now, both of them are running around, the mini-man trying to follow her big sis footsteps, squeaking and laughing, and this makes my day. I forget all the downs, and I am, in this very moment, happy. And that means more, much more, than a party till dawn:)

Tuesday, 23 December 2014

My Xmas preparations

Started over 3 weeks ago, which is totally unusual, and awesome (wonderful expressions, and so inappropriate in London;). I ordered most of our presents via the largest river by discharge of water in the world, again not a usual thing to do, avoiding - almost - last minute rush, panicking moves, and rash in result. Or something worse. Ouchhh!...

Then, we did a series of pre-winter solstice workshops, including cookies decorations, face paintings, headbands making, kissing balls creations in the absolutely mesmerising Painted Hall, and french fries at the most recognised take away / sit-in place worldwide.

Tonight, instead of last minute rash, panicking moves around the oven, fridge, and balcony (extra freezing space, usually used around winter solstice celebrations where I come from), Adam went for grocery shopping (and yes, there were piles of so-called human beings fighting over last pudding available (never got that fobia over a twisted version of 'budyń', which I love by the way...), I did all the presents packaging, and now?... Now, we are watching HIMYM with a bottle of beer (a second one, to be precised; mine is next to me, still half-ful, which is by all means a positive prospect;)), totally not bothered by a need of food, more presents, and money which definitely needs to be spent unreasonably, excessively, and - somehow in result- regretfully.
I love it:) even though when tomorrow comes, I will be stuck, at least for an hour, or two, at the kitchen table, baking, for the Christmas Eve we got invited to, looking forward to a deep, drunk (wishful thinking), pop-in dinner with our daughter's best school friend parents. And my so-called friends-to-be, the only ones I have around here. Therefore fully cherished. No, not only, they are truly all right. As far as I could tell so far;). 

Merry Xmas everyone!:)

Monday, 22 December 2014

Christmas fair

There was a Christmas fair at Supergirl's school earlier this month. They had Santa's grotto (really nicely done), a market with some great stuff (books in incredibly reasonable prices; we ended up with few of these, of course;), bouncing castle (the best part, according to my girl, and her friend), and the raffle.
We had few tickets, including the number 666 (seriously;))), which brings additional depth and meaning to Christmas preparations anyway, not mentioning Adam's smile when he saw the tickets:)))

The lucky numbers did not match ours, which was dissapointing at first, but in the end I think it's all right, really. We have a priviledge of celebrating Christmas in peace (unless we get fussy and start arguing, but this is all temporary, and means nothing in the bigger picture). Not everyone is so lucky...

Few days ago... Organizational crisis alert

... I forgot my Me-phone when leaving home in the morning. Nothing unusual there; it happens to me sometimes, but that day was supposed to be perfectly organised, pre-planned, and on-time: my Supergirl had a Christmas show at 11am...

The thing with this phone is, it is also my watch. I don't wear a waist one, used to do that, but stopped good few years ago, tried to return to my old habbit of having one on my hand, but it didn't feel right. Having a phone was more than enough. Besides, there's plenty of clocks all around us, all the time, right? Wrong. Sometimes, when you most desire them, when you least expect it, they are all gone to some imaginary Watchland.

In result, we were 5 mins late. The Mini-Man decided to walk a good chunk of the route I planned in between dropping his big sis off to school, and coming back after 2 hours. All really nice, at the riverside, cool but not smoggy. Anyone who ever been near Thames few times knows exactly what I mean by smoggy... Anyone who ever been in Thames, please accept my condolences. 
Still, I forgot he likes to explore. Every. Little. Piece. Of. Fence. He comes across. Bouncing is fun, and trampoline is not necessarily required. I know that now.

Fortunately, they had last minute rehearsals and the whole thing started 10 mins later. A.k.a. we made it:))) and my husband was there as well, which made my Supergirl's smile brighter than ever.:) It was interesting. And only a bit chaotic. Which I could tell only last evening, when we watched the whole thing thanks to my husband who filmed it all, while I was cheering, clapping, and holding the Mini-man after he noticed the wall bar, and decided to master his already pretty good climbing skills. No fifth hand at hand to keep the camera and record. Plus, I forgot the Me-phone...

It all ended up well, despite my obviously lecithin-free approach to the day.

Since then, I check up twice, or even three times, whether I have that phone with me, or not, before I leave home. I guess, that is lesson learnt, not really the hard way though.

Sunday, 14 December 2014


Today, it occurred to me I stopped reading.
I don't mean flicking through Internet; that is something I do regularly, spend definitely too much time on, and no deep thoughts come out of it. Which is not a very bad thing if happening once in a while, but I get a feeling it turns my brain into some kind of a miserable tittle tattle, where all the valuable pieces of information get lost by a minute. 
I don't mean reading with my SuperSpidergirl; we tend to read quite often her little school books, or the library ones. That is a great experience which I sadly notice too rarely, rushing through, not cherishing the moment (when exactly there is another chance for me to bond with her over a book? When she is a teenager? Yeah, right...).
Looks like I have no right to me moments. I should get the other stuff right first, then focus on what I want. (But there's no one else but me to blame, if blame. Organisation is key.)
That is completely opposite to what all success driving manuals tell you.
Focus on you, get your satisfaction from life first, only then you can transport that inner happiness to others.
Well, today, for the first time I realised I haven't done what I used to love doing. Getting lost in written words. Coming back happier. So, now I'm going to read chaper 1 of the goldfinch. And see how it goes... :)))

Saturday, 13 December 2014

It's been a looooong time

since my last post. Well over 2 months, seriously:)!

Many things happen, and not so many.

We moved closer to where the world begins, and ends. No need to use the foot tunnel now to get to the Royal Observatory...;) still, my SuperSpiderGirl (her current official title) is attending the same school, so we know the tunnel pretty well by now.
Did you know it is 14m deep at its midpoint?:) who knew!... And, what a discovery...
Looking for a new place to live can be extremely stressful, and I fully experienced that. Out of that there is a slightly slimmer (tada! But not for long, let's face it, not for long... With the holidays coming it will all come back to me sooner than expected...) me, with over 2 weeks of a sore throat (or house warming party side effects, depending how you look at it), and few boxes still unpacked, waiting for that moment to be taken out and emptied. It might never come.

My SuperSpiderGirl is 6 now. Very proud of it. Understanding the whooole responsibility behind it. Being recognized at school as a funny, talented, honest and reliable. Which is beyond my expectations anyway, and a great joy to witness.

My Mini Man is an expert in climbing on chairs, tables, and any other type of furniture you may think of. Yes, that includes bookcases. And desks with PC. And floor lamps. Oh, and recently, he's a master in echo verification when we're in the tunnel. The voice goes far beyond where you may think. He's already recognized by the usual visitors to both lifts. We're becoming famous thanks to him:))))

My relationship is getting stronger, usual thing after few minor breakdowns (thank you, unreliable letting agents). Still, it's a battle with circumstances, good/bad humour, reverse weather conditions, my inner grumpiness, getting stronger when the days go shorter, and so on. But all I know is, when you stop fighting, you're ending up being lonely, miserable, and a waste to all. 

My mother in law was with us for over 2 weeks, and I clearly mistook hospitality with hostility. Which means I'm not the best of daughters in law on the planet right now. But time heals. I hope:)

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Around SixAM news

I wake up. Usually I don't do this. The kids usually wake up at night, the older one from time to time, when something tremendous happens during the day... The younger one pretty regularly, to transfer from his cot to our family bundle-sleep-heaven.

I think about life. How appropriate;)

No way I will fall asleep again. Getting up and leaving all peacefully asleep is surprisingly uplifting, both literally and, well... not

I am almost ready to think through my lifetime plans owhen the young one wakes up.
Calling that whole philosophical approach off.
Nappy change is a real wake up call.

Life is pretty, and you only get to this conclusion once in a good while.

Monday, 22 September 2014

The world is ours

This weekend was extremely hectic.
Saturday resulted in yet another approach to interpret the Funny Bones cartoon Zosia has been studying at school lately.

(Last weekend we went to the London Museum of Zoology, to see the bones, and skeletons of various species, including our pretty successful attempt to reconstruct a gorilla out of a stack of small and large pieces of, well, bones. Quite exciting actually. All were happy to touch skin of a huge snake, see how a hedgehog can protect itself, look at bat's beautiful wings, oh, and meet a scarab. Or its scaringly authentic model...)

Meaning, we got ourselves tired, viewing houses and apps, wandering around surrounding parks, visiting local McD's (as you do when you promote a healthy and balance lifestyle for you and your family, 'cause it's easy, affordable, and simply and long-term: the best), and checking how sturdy a floor in each of bedrooms available to view might be (that's our mini-man; for now it looks like he will make a career in tapping ... and I mean dancing, not playing the guitar)

The air was soo much better, without the usual smog welcoming us pretty every day from the Thames.

Sunday, in turn, revealed another consequence of the previous day's endeavour: a hoarse voice of the youngest among us. Meaning, we stayed at home most of the time, looking forward to the final match. Which was a great thing to watch, and even better to celebrate afterwards.


Thursday, 18 September 2014

Ha! ;)))

After 10 years he finally admitted he actually thinks I'm right saying its important how you say things, not just what you say

Sooo many discussions about importance of content over its form, now a complete waste of time

(Over?)load with news

One morning, we had a serious discussion about news. By some it might even be understood as a cut-throat quarrel. There seemed to be no tolerance to my hunger for news.

I have only recently realised that up until recently I was one of them: totally controllable rep of masses.
Now I am one of those who sense conspiracy against us all. That includes, and does not limit to, chemtrails.
When my phone buzzes letting me know there's an email in my inbox I have not yet read, I don't go frantic about it. Does it mean I'm indeed beyond? If so, why can't I turn the sounds off? ...

A sense of solitude, my universe narrowed down to morning routine on our way to the primary school, and hastened trips to collect, with some days of total void in between... Enough self-pity. There's over 5k mums like you, at least Polish mums in the UK sharing their frustrations, issues and ideas on FB...

Would I be the same without kids? Would I be better-off? Would I wear wool bluebonnet (how appropriate, especially today...) and visit church as often as my bathroom? Would I wander around, visiting countries, exploring mountains, becoming quite an apty climber?

I just had a beer. Too many thoughts in one glass. Not having another though. I'm a mum:)

Tuesday, 26 August 2014


I hate it. And I know how ridiculous that approach is; a mum with 2 children should be flawless in planning things. I am definitely not.
At the same time however, I love organising and preparing daily, or even weekly activities for my kids. It's beyond a week that frightens me, and freezes my super planning powers. It's a plan for me, and my life, that doesn't seem to exist.

Not true. I know exactly what I would like to do. I am just too scared to face that. And to follow my so-called dream.

However, recently I have been feeding myself with motivational speeches from the likes of Brian Tracy, Kyle Cease, and my husband;) to overcome that hidiously inappropriate shyness.

Technically, once you have exposed yourself more than once to complete strangers, you shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself. I refer here not only to the fact of giving birth to a child in a fleshy hospital environment; there is actually quite a significant history of me speaking in public. And being - surprisingly often - listened to. That, in short, should make me feel more self-aware, and let me look bright into the future I want to create for me and my closest ones.

It seems to be harder than I could ever imagine. While I am good in listening to others, express my empathy, and even provide a piece of advice here and there, which usually makes my day when feeling down;), I somehow struggle to give and follow a piece of advice myself.

Hm. Somehow my post on planning shifted to a pitiful attempt of a life analysis, provided by a psychologist I have never been... ;)))

Sunday, 24 August 2014

10 days of silence

It's been ten days since my last writing experience;)
10 days of sun and run, warmth and laughter, exploration of grass, fruits and butterflies.
Quite an exciting time for my mini-man; quite an interesting time for my nearly 6-year old girl.
To me, it was all about talking with my parents, understanding where exactly we are in terms of settling down, recharging batteries for a busy autumn time, which is right around the corner. And eating;)))

While we are still bumping at each other sometimes, and talking harsh sometimes, it is good to have little ones around. They help to keep calm, ironically. And it's actually interesting to see how they change each day, both developing the smarts while bonding with their grandparents...

I still have trouble identifying exactly how I would like to spend the rest of my life, which is both pathetic and lazy, let's face it. But the ideas floating in my head are getting clearer every day, which is a little bit comforting.

I just wish I had the ability to keep in touch with my colleagues and friends I used to hang out with in different stages of my life, including studies, and first work... It's still too difficult for me to drop an e-mail once or twice a week. Again, pathetic and lazy ...

But I also realized - finally - that feeling and enjoying self-pity is most pathetic of all.
We really only have one lifetime to deal with all our doubts, emotions, feelings and words we inhale during every moment of our lives.
All this energy, previously used for keeping oneself low and expecting others to cheer one up all the time, may then be used for laughing together, talking together, quarreling together, and making up.

Thursday, 14 August 2014

The most difficult thing in parenthood?

There is no one definite answer. 
Wrong. There may be infinite amount (;) of replies, but there should be one definite answer, thought over by each and every parent. It makes life easier to have that answer handy, somewhere at the back of your mind, available to pop up when needed.

It helped me recently. A lot.

I realised that for me it is my need to control, necessity to be in charge of my little ones' existence to the level that an average perfectionist would find an overkill. In short, I find it particularly hard to let go and set them free.

It was surprisingly uplifting, having realised that. 
It helped me to organise my everyday life better. It helped my little ones in their development. It gave me and my daughter so many more topics to discuss. 

Being with my parents recently helped here, again surprisingly ;) having multi-dimentional and sometimes contrary relationship with them used to make me more feisty, less vulnerable with them. I used to be the one who was always able to do things, being perfectly organised, thoughtful and caring.
Only now we seem to be getting over it, and seeing each others more sincerely. 

Having children on your own defitely helps. Being more at ease with everything definitely helps. Knowing your inner strength, different from the one related to parenthood definitely helps.

What took me so long? ;)))

Saturday, 9 August 2014


I once saw Lost in Austen series. 
If we are indeed defined by what we see, I am a romantic soul trapped in cruel everyday existence of a typical sword master (this is where all the Heros, Crouching Tigers and Houses of Flying Daggers come to life).
There was one quote which I still recall (that is, apart from the funny and quirky fountain scene, but that was not about a sense of speech anyway), given by the main character of a fierce and vulnerable (just like me;) Amanda. She said: Make sure you talk (or sth similar). 'Out of talking there comes the love.'
So true. So so true.

I actually had a chance to test that again this afternoon, when we discussed respect and understanding with my 5,5-year old daughter. Trying to explain to her how important it is not to interrupt others (which is, to be honest, something I should be told as often as my little girl ...), and using good old reciprocity to illustrate what I was trying to say. 
I genuinely believe we can show our children how much we love them by talking to them. And that is not only limited to saying I love you (which is crucial, BTW, and left behind so many times). By spending time on discussing things, letting all parties speak, laughing and being touched together. This is what makes the bonding last beyond teenage years. 

Ironically, the more you talk, the more patient, and calm, and ready for more talking you become.

I wish I came to this conclusion sooner. That would save us many afternoons of me raising my voice, letting impatience and laziness take over;)

Be creative

Recently I have been reading a lot about art and its importance in everyday life, both for adults and children.
I also realised how good it feels to hold a brush in my hand when looking at my children having fun with watercolour and an old linen sheet on their grandpas' balcony.

Not every piece of information spread around is propaganda. It is just a matter of awareness, selection, and ability to reach for blissful inner joy everyone has. Oh, and patience when cleaning the paint from happy little faces and wriggly toes ;)

Wednesday, 6 August 2014


It's really important to show your little ones a 'proper' relationship with their grandparents. And, equally challenging.
One seem to be balancing between being a mom, and a child at the same time. It's tempting to be arrogant and opinionated towards your own parents, like if you are still a twisted and turned teenager, knowing everything best. But instead of feeling good with oneself then, you end up with bad aftertaste, and the little ones carefully looking at you. And scanning episodes from everyday life, one after another. And laying the groundwork for their own feelings, behaviour, and level of respect to their ancestors. Not good.
Juggling it all never ceases. The essence of life;)

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

In sickness

No one really tells you how awful you feel when your children are sick. No matter how hard you try, you cannot help the overwhelming feeling of failure, disaster, and - yes - disgrace to yourself for your unsuccessful attempts to ease their frustration and pain.

This is how I feel now. Posts are suspended until healthy little faces are back with us. Hopefully soon.

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Continual learning

I recall, when being at school, a then new theory emerging that people shall change their attitude towards knowledge, and gone would be the days they finish their education with a degree. Few years later (OK, actually it is more than few. But let's not focus on irrelevant details here:) we are constantly being bombarded with another, and yet another portion of information. While part of that is some media gibberish, some of it are courses, trainings, webinars, and lectures. Usually online, always at hand.
I seem to cope with that enormous amount badly. There are at least 5 courses I started a good while ago, with a genuine will to have them completed, and never did that.
Obviously, I have my reasons things turned out that way. Moreover, in some cases I still honestly believe I will indeed finish them. ...;)
Consistency. A notion to keep up with. My everyday goal, usually not met.

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Ticking clock

Time is flying. I can now barely remember how teeny tiny my 5-year old was when she was born.
I only recall being on her first photo session, when she was 3-weeks old, and I just wanted to capture this moment from the first weeks of her life. There was a lady there, waiting for her shoot with 2 boys in the early school years. She said to me then: 'you quickly forget how small a baby is when she is born'. That struck me a bit, and I didn't realise how true were her words, untill, well, recently.

Time is flying. My little one is attempting running for some time now, and the image of him lying still in his cot is like a blurred picture to me;)

There's this undoubtfully sound statement coined by mums: our kids grow, we are not ageing.
On a serious note though, it is true. When there are young people around, we seem to enjoy life more. Even if the enjoyment part is of a more general nature as everyday tasks pile up and make life look like a line-up of cleaning, cooking (now that's the part I seem to limit, to the benefit of play with my young adventurers), and organising on a tactical level.

If only you are at ease with yourself, and with the fact that you are either a working mum, or a stay-at-home mum (which, in both cases mean you do work anyway), and you are not looking for justification of your state ('I am thrilled with the idea of not working/working professionally', and so on), then life is good. And with the young ones, jumping on your bed at 7am, requesting you not to sleep and getting you involved in a birthday party play with a dolly, ponies, and a train, you are ok with that. And you get into that train, and play. And you feel good (and yes, sleepy;) ...

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Set them free

It's really a difficult thing for me: refrain myself from the usual: 'watch out / don't touch / leave that' moaning I seem to have been practising to perfection for the last couple of years.
OK, that was too harsh maybe, and a bit off the limits, but anyone reading this gets the idea, right?
The need to control is obviously unfulfilled in me, therefore I subconsciously chose the easiest option, directing that desire to be in charge towards the little ones.
It took me a good while to realise that. It takes a lot of effort to snap myself in the middle of a situation, and simply let go.
It spans from allowing my older one to sit wherever she chooses when we take a trip on the Underground (provided we can see each other at all times;), to seeing my little one running away in a park, as happy as human being can possibly be (followed by me catching breath while chasing him with a buggy before he reaches the grass edge; great muscles challenge for both).
Setting the limits is quite comforting, too. You know where you are, what is expected from you, no need to wonder how to react; all you need is any of these, you guessed it, 'watch out / don't touch / leave that' phrases.
Challenges. Sometimes it's all about releasing. Much harder than actually setting up.

Equal rights

There seem to be a lot of discussion around women, and their equal rights nowadays. I don't necessarily support the fuss. I feel it's great we can work, do what and when we can, and that it is up to us to set boundaries and limits to freedom of speech, professional development, and leisure.
Is it so however?
I guess I am a bit of a hypocrite here; raising my kids and focusing core activities around them makes me a typical example of a non-suffragist. Moreover, I like to benefit from womanhood and motherhood on a daily basis; when guys, and I mean it in a both-gender way, stop to let me pass through doors with a buggy. Or, when they turn around passing me by. Ok, the last one is no longer the case. I was meant to say: when they turnED;)))  anyway, I don't care. Really.;)

On topic: I do not feel at ease with the idea of women everywhere, in every possible job. The idea of a girl on a tractor (old and biased image from communist era; no, I do not live that long: I saw it online once, as a reminescence of not so good old days) doesn't apply to me.
I guess when you are a human being (for me, box is ticked), at ease with oneself (hmm, usually the case, apart from the not-so-often appearing drama of 'I have nothing to wear', or the 6-year old in me, saying 'I'm so ronely, and nobody likes me'), you don't need equal rights to make you feel contented. You have that in you.

And it keeps you going in whichever direction you choose, whatever the weather.

Is little not enough?

Last morning, I saw a mum with a little boy, dressed for school, as they passed the street right in front of us. He had his school bag with him, she held nothing but an iPhone in her hand.
(iPhones should actually be called MEphones; there's soooo much show and at least +15 to appearance for people hanging around with their precious ones, and I don't mean their kids obviously, just so to make sure everyone around notices what they have in their hands. And just in case if anyone wonders this is me talking out of hate, jealousy and mean-spiritedness, you are wrong;) I actually have one myself, the MEphone I mean, got as a present from my husband, which is great at so many levels;)
She had no backpack, no handbag, no clutch, literally nothing but the MEphone.
Me, on the contrary, I had a bag with some snacks (always handy: this is to make sure we don't pop into a shop for some candies). Then, there was Zosia's backpack (it was really hot this morning; otherwise she would carry it herself). A bag with little one's essentials (nappies, baby wipes, one portion of milk carton, few small toys, spare body, and a spare bag: I seem to be obsessed with these; always have at least two with me). A bag with swim wear, and a towel (that is not part of our daily routine: there was a water day at school to celebrate the forthcoming summer break). All hooked to a buggy. In short, we looked like a gang of homeless travellers, with our feet being the only mean of transport available. Heart-catching and off-putting.
The key question is: how did the other mum make it? With all the stuff NOT accompanying her? The simplest answer: she only had one little kid to keep an eye on. Still, most of the things we had related to Zosia anyway. So it's not the case here.
Let's face it: she was better organised, with a plan of the day ahead minutiously done, all necessary details checked before she left home. And they were not even in a hurry, again opposite to us...
Looks like I envy her. And I don't even know her.

Then again, what if she saw us, and thought: 'Wow, they are perfectly packed, and prepared for soo many options a day may bring.';) that would be actually quite funny.

I actually find it quite soothing to step into somebody else's shoes. Even when I am wrong, at least it makes me feel better:)))

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Express yourself

There is a 5-year old girl, and a 1-year old boy in our house. Sometimes I feel like they secretely treble though. I love painting, and drawing, and cutting, and using unusual materials as well, like rose petals, or any leftovers from birthday party decorations. Unfortunately at the moment we do this with the older one when the little one is asleep. Which is not as much as we used to.
However we get the little one involved in earlier phases of crafting. And that helps bonding, without making the older one feel forgot, or abandoned. Like the other day, we went to a park, and the little one carefully picked the rose petals, and gave them to us. It was real fun to him, running around and looking for possible treasures to bring and make his mum, and sister, smile. And yes, that also means, my current running and chasing abilities are at its peak, but it is worth it!;)))
Planning is key, however spontaneous actions seem to work as well. Just always have a spare bag with you; you never know what a short walk may bring ...

Friday, 11 July 2014

Sudden break

Yesterday my older one had a day off. We decided to take this opportunity, and finally (it took us a good while!) travel by London Underground. With the little one, obviously.
It was real fun! Despite the weather, i.e. a typical British summer, with showers, winds, and mud;)
We managed to see the Buckingham Palace, and made it for the last 10 minutes of the daily changing of the guard. The older one found their fluffy hats particularly appealing. The little one was more interested in the shape of leaves above us, along the Green Park, where we came from. He likes watching wind, which is not unusual for children; they do prefer things moving to the ones standing/ lying still, in general. And apparently green wins with furry black, red and golden jackets, and trumpets.
We also went to Mayfair, where in 'the Summer in the Square' we listened to a chello player, wonderful Rachael Lander, for 15 consecutive minutes, which stands for the longest ever Zosia's record of non-disturbed active listening;) My adventureous little ones both liked it, with the little one clapping joyfully, and saying 'nana', which surely meant he approved of it.
We played Noughts and Crosses, with huge wooden Xs and Os. There was more to do, and we are definitely coming back. Unless there are more showers;)))

But I guess the best part was to&fro. Travelling by metro, and laughing when the train was going so quickly we had to hold rails with both hands. Stopping by to see a funny, colorful, lollipops-like tree sculpture, which was named the older's one favourite spot of the day; no surprise there. Counting whatever possible along the way (circular windows are our all time favourites). Having fun.

That's what it's all about.

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Game Over

That was the saying on a T-shirt my husband bought short before our wedding. I found it funny back then. But now I think these words have some meaning.
We can easily forget we are unique, and together we create something unusual, too. I mean, apart from the kids, but that is quite rough. And rich, coming from me, as I never really knew I would have children on my own. I had minor health issues ages ago, including unnatural tendency to getting thinner and thinner, which I successfully overcame (too successfully maybe:). But that is something many girls go through, from slightly exaggerated physical self-awareness, to dreadful and fatal breakdowns. There is not enough education on the subject.

I meant to tackle (an autocorrect function just suggested 'tickle' ...;) ups of a relationship.
It is great to have a loving person next to you, who wants to listen to what you have to say, understands you may have difficult days sometimes, when you should just let your lips stay sealed, instead of bursting with mean words, with actually no particular reason, apart from desperate and subconscious calling for attention. A typical child-like approach.
It is comforting to have a tender person next to you, who appreciates cuddles and hugs, just like children do.
It gives you courage and strength to carry on with tactical things, without missing your strategic point. That is, if you have one. If you don't, it is great that this person lets you have your moment, or two, to think over what are you aiming for in life.

It is not necessarily the end of the world, when you get married. It is just a different phase in your life, where compromise and that famous tripple of love&peace&understanding get you.

Sunday, 6 July 2014


I sometimes think my zodiac sign truly represents my inner self.
Constant fight for stability.
Testing time for ages before a serious decisions is made.
Attention to detail, perfect in strict business environment, totally annoying and usually unbearable to others in private life.
Need for admiration, totally annoying, if not put on hold (obviously;), in strict business environment, perfect in private life:)

I'm Libra, by the way.

Thursday, 3 July 2014


I thought about it a lot when I was expecting my first child. The core of parenthood. And before she was born, I strongly believed it was love, understanding, joy.
I was completely wrong.
It's guilt. A parent feels guilty most of the time. When they loose their temper. When they hurry their child because they want to be at work on time, at once. When they stroke little sleepy head, and sing a lullaby, thinking of few awful things they said today to the blood of their blood. When they see them grow and becoming more independent each day, and they wish they did better, showed more they loved, laughed louder with them.
Ok, more lines like these, and I start to cry. Silly:)

Today I was not the best of mums, I did not bit my tongue (at least twice), and was seriously counting to 10, which for me is the ultimate sign something is rotten.
However, I managed to smile, and cuddle, and tickle, and talk (a lot; not a rocket science for me).
And I said sorry for being rough, which is what I would expect my 5-year old to do herself.
And felt guilty only few times.

Usual day in da family.
(Almost. I could have bit my tongue, really...)

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

In demand

When the only thing you find in your letter box is a finesse lacking by-election leaflet, you can wonder whether there is anybody out there still interested whether you are alive. Well, the politicians fighting for a suddenly emerged vacancy may desire your voting. But do they really care who you are? An online beauty retailer may know a bit more about your favourite, hm hm hmm, anti-ageing serum, which you cannot stop using, naively and desperately. But do they know what kind of person you actually are?

We are nothing but customers to everyone around us. It is so rare to find a person you truly, deeply and sincerely trust, with no shadow of a doubt upon their good intensions towards you (misdoings can happen;)

Today I am full of melancholic sorrow. Which did not prevent me from expressing my everyday tendency to rule the world. Starting from the closest ones to me. Who, clearly, are potentially the ones with true, deep and sincere trust in me, and even when they find me a little freaky sometimes, they mean it in a good way. Lack of appreciation from my end stretches the boundaries of love, endurance and understanding. Why am I testing the water? Instead of being content and sweet, not bitter?

I saw a movie recently about a teenager with divorced parents, younger brother, and leukaemia. Putting aside the fact it really moved me, it revealed the old truth to me: we only appreciate what we have when it's no longer there. I guess the hardest part is to see that with your own eyes, when there is still time to enjoy all the good stuff happening to us, and working on having it more, i.e. cherish every happy moment and try not to spoil it with grumbling & whining about trivial details.

Action plan: be nice
(There. I could have done with it in 4 words;)

Tuesday, 1 July 2014


This morning I became one of them: frustrated mothers who are hungry for a conversation, happy to engage in one with a complete stranger.
I have never thought it would be me; I am talkative, yes, but quite reserved, and usually too embarrassed to go beyond yes, thank you, please, etc.
(Who am I kidding? Yesterday I was talking to a dishwasher, which has this annoying buzz at the end of a cycle, lasting literally over 30 secs, and if there is anyone out there who ever had to listen to a fire alarm for over half a minute, they know what I mean. Like it couldn't have been any of the Police songs instead. I wouldn't mind it then at all.)
A talk started with a lady queuing in front of me. Technically, she initiated a discussion, looking at my little one, who was just showing off (with a completely innocent look on his face) his 6 minutes of calmness a day. She turned out to be a mum herself, with a 30 months old boy. Now, when a mum tells you her child is 20+ months old, you might easily guess it's her first one (I am far from being judgmental here; just a pure observation I thought I would share). While waiting for our coffees (we were obviously standing in line for a coffee;), we exchanged ideas and semi-parental suggestions about children's behaviour, potty training, potential ADHD, and even - yikes! - lice...
And then, all of a sudden, we both couldn't stop talking. Then my Mini Man decided he's done with his presentation on how an ideal child should look like, and started to bring my attention by loudly requesting food. Not too loud actually, loud enough though to make us set apart.
I still think about that lady, who may sometimes feel as lonely in the unquestionably wonderful motherhood state, as only a woman can feel.
There is quite a number of community centres where you can come with your children and talk to the others. Sometimes though, it would be nice to be able to talk about something else then children, like latest haircut trends, or who is going to succeed in the World Cup this year (I personally believe Germany is in it to win it; Brasil will obviously not let go easily), or how to learn Mandarin in 6 weeks (not that I want to, just needed 3 unalike examples;).
Then again, the lady and I, while talking, we still discussed children ...

Monday, 30 June 2014

Pleasing all and controlling all

Apparently (that is a sarcasm; I know very well what I am about to say is totally true...) I am a fairy with a broken wand. There is no other logical explanation.
This afternoon we headed to Kensington Gardens to experience the surprisingly entertaining family festival (we knew nothing about it beforehand), see the Palace (lovely, 'not as beautiful as Wilanow, but actually they also have Buckingham here' - short review by Adam:_), and be surprised - again - by the monstrously expensive meal (the service was great though, provided mainly by Polish representatives, which made me somehow proud and glad :_).

Again, I tried to make every single family member happy, and I failed several times. All minor things really; one of them was pleasing my husband with latte while he has been drinking black coffee for good few months now. I definitely know how to show I care and observe, not mentioning the fact I know best who likes what. Treating Zosia with too many sweets and expecting her to be delighted with the afternoon tea (the dearest sandwiches I ever ate; 'oh, stop, don't complain, at least we are not wet'; did I mention we were caught by several showers outside of the palace?:_) Finally, making the little one completely exhausted and falling asleep on our way back. No, wait - that was actually a good thing.

And the car, a hybrid chosen due to several reasons, major one being an encouraging tax rate, which was behaving quite fussy lately, didn't break! (Forgot to add, we were totally green and reasonable, travelling by car to the very city centre, while we could have chosen a vast network of public transport. Ok, there was no 'we' here. It was me who persuaded my husband to do that.)

I managed to let go throughout the day, fortunately, which is the only justification for the fact that Zosia told me she likes me very very very much, when she was falling asleep (That, and the sweets I guess:_). Priceless.

Saturday, 28 June 2014

Not enough game in the game

The best review I ever heard. By my husband. This evening.
I guess you could apply that to soooo many things in life.


Out of loneliness there may come a great discovery, or a pitiful sorrow, depending on how strong your inner me is.
I would like to be more alone. I mean, I enjoy motherhood, I really do, but ...:)

Then again, I recall one week, 2 years ago, or so, when I had my daughter with her grandparents on a short summer break, Adam was in the mountains, biking, hiking and chilling, and I was at work 9ish-5, and had all the time in the world to be on my own.
That felt awful. Even though I restored my social skills during 1 or 2 informal meetings in the evenings, I visited my aunt, I went through a thorough thinking on where I am, what I am doing, is it the right place that I am in (something, I strongly believe that, anyone should be doing on a regular basis as not to get stuck and keep going in line with one's mantra/beliefs/personal goals). That is, I did all the things I used to do more often when I was a girl. Ages ago. ;))
Still, it all didn't feel right. I missed our morning discussions why should we be heading off to preschool, why a sleeveless summer dress is great, but not exactly an appropriate solution for a chilly July morning with stormy clouds and lashing rain, my sincere efforts to meet high expectations in terms of a pretty, yet comfy hair-do, and so on. Not mentioning, I missed my husband. That was one of the longer periods we were apart after we were married.

It looks like there is actually no hunger for solitude in me.
I guess I knew it all the time. I just hid that under a snug blanket of complaints and laments.

Self-pity is so easy to apply. No rocket science, barely any action required. All you need to do is pour your bad mood onto others, making sure their days pass with no fun at all. I tried that technique more than once. It works no more than once. And on a short-term basis. Not worth it.

Friday, 27 June 2014

Change and flexibility

For some time now, I know change is good. It helps you grow, develop your qualities, test yourself and your ability to adjust actions and planning, preferably in a reverse order.

I hate changes. That sounds particularly odd, coming from me, as I have already changed adresses more than an average human being did, not mentioning exposing our daughter to the limits, making her test any adapting skills she may have gained in a relatively short period of time.
It is hard. Many people, including members of my family, have asked me the 'why?' question.
Do you really need this? Is it really necessary? Do you not want your children to feel secure and cosy, surrounded by familiar faces and places?
I guess I don't. I don't need this, I may be looking for the eternal sunshine elsewhere instead of focusing on finding happiness and security within. In short, I am selfish.
Then again, the world outside is so tempting, with all the different approaches, attitudes, interested and possibilities to explore. In short again, I am a searcher.
I guess I do follow that desire to know more from my own experience, not just read about it.

Sometimes though, I forget about it, and move towards whining. I am a grumbler.

When you are not alone in the world, these phases of discontentment fortunately tend to get shorter. Your social responsibilities towards your closed ones make you feel more grounded.

I just read my notes. I am a selfish grumbler, searching for something despite having changes.
In other words, I like to focus on my needs and expectations, I am critical towards the environment, I am curious and like to keep things as they are.

Thursday, 26 June 2014


I like how kids can bring on their creativity in an instant.
This morning, when we were walking to school, we started talking about the weather (casual intro you would usually turn on before any business conference call in a multinational corporation; totally appropriate when talking to your child).
As it was quite chilly, I started with 'what it would be like if mummy wore a pair of knee high socks, just like yours'. Within a minute, I was completely dressed up in a dark blue, glittery maxi dress, with matching shoes. I guess only dogs in the garden near by saved me from a pair of wings, and a wand (Zosia always likes to say hello and bye to them, 'because otherwise they would be sad, you know').
And then we were singing a song she created (i.e. I was to sing after her. Each line. Out loud;))).
And it felt great:)

I like being more childlike sometimes. It is fun. And it allows me to connect with my daughter much quicker, without moaning, or 'oh, mum!', or 'really now, please' (her favourite quote for Q1 2014).

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Misjudgment and back to the basics

This is to note a remarkable thing that happened to me yesterday morning, and earlier on today.
A mum, who I thought is completely disgusted with my behaviour (a reaction to her unfinished hair-do when there was this pourring rain the other day), actually spoke to me!
She was asking how Zosia was doing, seeing her little scar on the left cheek, and talked to me for a while about fears we share. Fears for our children (her boy is in the same class as Zosia), how we want to protect them from any accidents, but obviously we cannot.
Then, today, she told me about an oil I could use on Zosia's face to make sure she has no 'token' on her face as she gets older. I was soo grateful, and still am. Not only because she started a conversation, but also, because she shared great piece of advice with me. That was absolutely wonderful!

And I thought about the gratitude then, and how reciprocity really works; it is easter to be kind to others when they share positive feelings with us.

On a related note, I think we should be reading children's books more often.
Yesterday, at bedtime, there was this great quote in Zosia's book: it is good to help others, as sometimes they can help us back. With no hypocrisy, just a self-explanatory approach suggested in a simple and short way.
Talking about short, this is something I should definitely master. There is a vast room for improvement there, no doubt about that ...;)

Monday, 23 June 2014

Play with me

When you hear your little daughter saying this to you, with a really 'please, please' darling face, you know you're in trouble. First of all, because you want to squeeze few operational things in that very minute. Second of all, because you don't want her to feel dissapointed with you (again; let's face it, it would not be the first time you say you can spent some time with her later). Finally, because you would like to make everyone happy, bar yourself.
Now, the scenario can be two-folded here: you either do everything and are exhausted, or you prioritise and choose which is best in that very minute.
I went for the latter, resulting in a happy little face as we played card games Zosia invented ('nothing too complicated, it will be quick, mum, you will see' were her words, which only broke my heart and actually made me realised how hungry for 'our time' she was).

The pile of things is waiting patiently for tomorrow's little one's mid-morning nap. ;))

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Just like me!:))

We went for a stroll, aiming to find admiral Nelson's house. It was OK, in a narrow street, hidden behind few other old houses.
On our way back 2 women passed us by, one of them being my age, with suitcases - apparently on their ways somewhere. Suddenly, she stopped, put her tote bag on the sidewalk, and started taking everything out on the ground. Apparently, she was looking for something. She seemed a bit nervous, but giggled at the same time, as it looked a bit funny, and despite the stress she was going through she noticed that.
I could only say to her I felt like looking into the mirror. It was 2 days ago when I looked everywhere for my door keys, only to find out they were safely tucked in a completely random place, i.e. in my trouser's pocket.
What happens when we do something we are not accustomed to. Shortcuts are blocked, brain is suddenly exposed to counless options, and we realise memory can play tricks we could hardly imagine (however ironic that sounds...).

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Good old wooden games

We went to Greenwich this afternoon, just another lazy Saturday time with a view to get kids exhausted at the playground, and enjoy the weather.
Surprisingly, we found ourselves in a middle of the GDIF (Greenwich+Docklands International Festival), with lots of things going on, and much more people we would expect.
But it was great. There was 15+ old wooden games installed outside the Naval College, most of them reminding me of 18th century ways to amuse sophisticated aristocracy, and their completely blasé decendants. 

This time though, they were a neverending source of fun for all the children gathered there. You could see a relief in parents eyes also. I really enjoyed the time spent there. It was a perfect antidote to iPad games;)))


Zosia recently started using the word 'stupid'. Like if she discovered it, and decided everything deserves to be called stupid. While I don't want to make too much fuss about it (we are already after the 'f' word phase), I just tried to explain to her she shouldn't be overusing it, as someone may feel offended when she says e.g. at school that his picture is stupid.
My semi-pedagogical approach resulted in limiting the usage to her, and her things only. :( not very successful ...
Then we had another talk, where I told her she is not at all stupid because she understands what she hears (although sometimes pretends not to, but that is what everybody is doing from time to time, age regardless), she communicates (sometimes much louder than necessary, again, like we all do from time to time), she laughs and crirs, depending on a situation. In short, looks like her brain is ok. Therefore, she is not stupid.
Now, she says it, not as often though. Usually in the mornings, when 'stupid shoes' don't want to find her feet ;))
There. That was difficult.
Self awareness at the age of 5 struggles with the 'Look at me' phase, and the emerging comparison phase at school. That is, however, much influenced by parents (i.e. ambitious mothers and fathers, who wish to pour their unfulfilled dreams in their kids' little heads, usually to the detriment to all). I try to avoid that, but then again I don't want my children to be lame ducks.
It's tricky to find the balance.
(Actually, I could apply that quote to any aspect of my life...)

Friday, 20 June 2014

Measuring time

'This cheese tastes similar to the one I ate at grandma's, long time ago, when I was very little' said Zosia last evening during dinner time. For the record, the aforementioned cheese tasting with my parents took place less than 3 months ago, in April this year.
Her blunt statement made me realised how time measurement and time appreciation change when we get older. I mean I have known about relativity for some time now; Zosia just put it in my face all of the sudden:))
When we are little, 20 minutes break between sea jumps sounds like eternity (that's me being 8 years old, or so, first time at the sea; my parents wanted to make sure I am ok, and not caughing on a first day, so they made me lay down for a there of an hour before I could jump in again; as I said: eternity). When we are teenagers, the magic of adulthood seems to be miles away. When we grow up, the time suddenly starts to fly, and we want to slow it down...

Thursday, 19 June 2014

Twinkle, twinkle ...

Looks like I need a training on capturing my mini audience attention ...


I am not promoting Taylor Swift's single here (although I think she could have ended up much worse with her transition from country to pop on this one). This is about me (so much about others).

I hate to be a trouble to anyone. Even when it is only their twisted perception of things, and I am not to be blamed. I guess there is this combination of modesty limiting my abilities, and the fact of being taught at school not to do too much (in other words, being too exceptional and creative meant being a trouble; I don't blame the schools I attended; it was the whole education system, and the fact that I was being told thousands of details which are completely useless in life, together with only few things that let me be a better person, and helped me later on).
Today I felt that way, when I was asking a headteacher whether my husband could come and see the exact place where Zosia had her accident. Earlier I wanted to take pictures, but they did it for me and gave me the prints which were quite dark, and you couldn't really see much. Both then and now, I  was afraid of who knows what to stand and say I am not ok with that. Why? It is my family here that is on stake, not some irrelevant stuff of a hysterical middle-aged woman (regardless of the fact I am one sometimes...). The headteacher seemed a little irritated, maybe only in my mind's eyes, I am not sure, but we set a meeting for tomorrow, as 'any parent can review the environment', she said.
While I am writing all this, I start to think I am over sensitive. Ha!
I have to say though both teachers and nurse in Zosia's class are extremely supportive, and understandable. They seem to see through incredibly well, and give advice on what to do to calm 5-year old strong willed and wonderful little girl, with hundreds of ideas per minute...;)

Lesson learnt: post-analysis helps to keep emotions in place when they blurr the image.


What would I do without you.
In order to hear that from your husband something extraordinary must be happening in your happily ever after life.;) The level of uncommonness is determined by few factors, including: amount of time you live together, usual way of expressing feelings and emotions to each other, and atmospheric pressure (or something equally abstract which can justify a bad moment / hour / day, depending on a situation). 
In our case, the car broke down. At night. In the middle of a motoroute. On the way home.
Until recently I was not aware you can buy a breakdown cover after an incident, provided that it happens on the same day. Equally, I could have hardly imagined myself providing payment details over the phone to a stranger (technically, car insurance call centre representative; still, she was a stranger). And this is me, slightly twisted in terms of securing data and sharing confidential information (writing this blog is obviously not a proof of my inconsistency, not at all.)

Sudden stressful situations and challenges we are facing in everyday life seem to tighten a family. Nothing unusual here though.  A pack of wolves will fearlessly fight an enemy. And when not in danger, they might easily try to knock out each other (I am not too sure about the wolves though. Something tells me they are actually not so brutal to themselves. Not sure).
Knocking out each other in our family goes down to, fortunately;), a set of minor arguments (Zosia, it's time to get up, come on: x 7), or discussions on which type of food is good for you.
I find it pretty unusual that children's tummies have this marvelous ability to fit one type of food when the other is just too much to bear. 'Mummy, I am full. I can not eat any more.' 'Ok, so your dessert will have to wait till tomorrow then?' 'Oh, no, I will eat the dessert. I am full but there is a tiny little space left for sweets.'
Children's logic. Priceless.

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Let there be love

I admire people who can reveal emotions through their work. I am still too shy to do that. Then again, this blog I just started proves the complete opposite. Hmm ...
I wish all the people that know me would be slightly in love with me. Not in a sensual sense, but in as 'like me' sense. Which is truly insane, and profoundly impossible. The hanger for admiration, appreciation, and sympathy is on the one hand pathetic, on the other though - it just shows how weird a person may become with no friends around. I am far from self-pity here (at least, this time;). It is all my fault. Not self-confident enough, lazy, not caring for close colleagues on a regular basis results in social loneliness. That's just how things go.
However I believe there is almost always (that combination of words sounds teenagery and surreal) a space for improvement in maintaining relationships. Unless there is a complete lack of goodwill, things can turn out better (that brilliant autocorrect just tried to convince me I wanted to say 'bitter'... How appropriate).
All you need is love. How simple. How hard to find. What a cliche I am today...

Monday, 16 June 2014

Commuting words

I recently read a lot about talking.
Just read my sentence above, and it made me laugh. Reading about talking sounds a bit like watching tennis rather than finally start playing (which is something I wanted for a long time; not being desperate enough though to actually stop thinking and start doing)...
Anyway, the talking includes conversation and public speaking. Which does not apply to me often now. Long gone seem to be the days when I was actually involved in presentations, in a business environment.
But over the weekend I found my notes from a great communication and public speaking training I attended. There were few such courses actually, but one was well-worth remembering, at least for me.
There were these tips on how to keep your audience interested, how to make them like to hear what you say, and want to listen to you more, and how to keep yourself calm.
I realised all of the above perfectly applies to everyday life conversations with your kids.

Patience, understanding, and flexibility are crucial. And looks like I knew about it for quite a long time, either through the before-mentioned training, or subconsciously (let's face it, everyone - well, nearly everyone - is genious sometimes, myself included;). So why can't I apply these more often???...

Friday, 13 June 2014

Stretching - bitter with a pinch of sweet

This is not about relaxing muscles after an intense training in a gym (when was the last time I've been there?;). This is about crossing the boundaries when living. And sometimes failing.

How to judge whether something bad happens because someone seriously didn't do what he was supposed to, or this is just a result of bad luck. No, that is wrong, I don't believe in such things as bad luck. I believe things happen to you as a result of your own behaviour. If you are mean, that 'meanness' comes back to you. The term bad luck is a shallow excuse to your own 'misdoings'.

Instead of bad luck then, how to judge something bad that happens because you are just your own shadow, juggling thousand things at a time?
Bad time management.

Enjoy every minute of your life, there will never be another one like that, they say. Be happy, support others who need that support, don't walk away from another one's misery, they say. Keep fit, stay thin, or they will find you inattractive, sloppy, and not keeping up with trends. Be unique and show your USP as everyone is different.
What if all these things around make it really hard to live, feel happy from time to time, and not stuck with your credit card as the only mean to eternal satisfaction and balance, as that is what they are actually trying to make you feel.

Today my thoughts are floating around several things at a time (ok, isn't that just a usual human way? Looks like my goal to limit modesty has already been accomplished, with less effort that I could ever imagine...). And ability to focus is beyond achievement. Let it be.

Thursday, 12 June 2014

Appreciation and disapproval

With both kids having their rather unexpected afternoon nap (which took me completely by surprise), I just realised my world does revolve around me. I had this sudden panic moment, not knowing what to do. Fortunately, There's Internet.
But seriously, when did it happen? That feeling of anxiety and fear there might be nothing to do (in fact, there is laundry waiting to be taken care of; documents requirying filing and review, maybe even in a reverse order, and probably a ten or so minor things to do. And my nails! I could have them polished;). Looks like I should always do sth to avoid feeling needless.
My family, despite being No1 (my husband, although not mentioned earlier, included), is not appreciated as much as they should be. Sad but true.
Becoming aware of things is a good thing; let it be the first, not the only one of my reflections / new strategy for life.
Criticism. I think it surrounds me too much. My ability to see a glass half full seems to be snowed under planning errands, and my always challenged ability to organise tasks (in other words, how not to get late for Zosia's school and sleep more). But today everyone is critical. And everyone, and everything should be perfect. Or as close to perfection as possible. Sad but true.
Still, that shouldn't be my excuse...

Wednesday, 11 June 2014


I just saw a make-up tutorial from Charlotte Tilbury where she said sth like 'make-up is power'.
While I appreciate her strategy, and kind of admire (would I ever applied make-up, and that is a full make-up, twice a day, and had it always on my face? Laziness in me sadly wins here with a definite: NO. Sadly as my inner vanity wouldn't mind a bit of inner beauty popping out once in a while), I see through the need for buying stuff. Always.
This came to me this afternoon, when Zosia told me that I am always shopping. Because I had to complete the grocery shopping list when we were playing together, which is unforgivable, and I admit I was wrong doing so.
She is right. I think a lot about buying a lot: food, clothes for children, toys, beauty products for me (like if that could indeed make me a respectful goddess. Really now, Please... )
To stop following the disastrous consumery path I played with her continuously for the next 15 minutes. For anyone with the kids, It's quite all right.
And later today, I ended up with CT and her make-up. Consistency, Please come back!!! ;))

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Strawberries and peek-a-boo

Today Zosia stayed at home; second day in a row. Her eyes caught some minor infection, and were slowly recovering, via salted water and eye drops prescribed by a GP.
It was a good day; we played peek-a-boo with Julek, who absolutely loved it, 'finding' us when we were 'hiding';). Then we went for a little shopping and came back with fresh and juicy strawberries and raspberries; the latter was gone in flashes of flashes (as Mr Bean said in Love Actually, my cheer-up movie for a gloomy November day), and their happy faces and clothes covered in red juice were simply priceless.

I am starting to discover the beauty of simple moments. You don't have to conquer the world to have all that matters: love, understanding, trust, and happiness (which is never a constant state; just a collection of seconds).

Let there be as many of these seconds as one can bear;)))

Monday, 9 June 2014

Resentfulness and jealousy

I wonder if anyone else finds it sometimes extremely difficult not to be envy. I did today. 

I was looking at my neighbours, sitting relaxed on their balcony, talking, winding down after a very warm day. While I was fighting with my exceptionally active toddler and trying to avoid a fall from the balcony door he tried to conquer with consistency and perseverance I should borrow from him sometimes. And trying not to raise my voice, where I almost succeeded :)

Being jealous is not socially acceptable. But being resentful is OK in general. Who is then to tell where is the line between what is fair, and what is not? When I get annoyed with some people smoking cigarettes when we pass-by, is it me caring for my little ones, or me wishing I could be them, i.e. smokers with brain covered in ashes;) ? (Which is silly, I never wanted to be a tobacco slave, and so far I haven't been. But I am talking about a purely hypothetic ability to do things. Hope it makes sense.)

If all in the world is related, and there is no such thing as objective opinion, how to properly define political correctness?

I seem to be all questions tonight...

Sunday, 8 June 2014

Addicted to Kindle

'I keep on reading this newspaper you brought, and when there are words I don't understand, I want to  click on them and check what they mean in a dictionary. I wish I could do that, just like on Kindle. It is helpless that way.' True. I cannot remember last time I checked a word in a traditional dictionary. And I recall we used to do that, or use encyclopedias, back at home, a lot. 
Is it oblivious to say hardly anybody uses printed reference books these days? 
(My father would be one example to contradict that; he is hovewer an exceptional man in general)

Saturday, 7 June 2014

Expectations and prejudices

I thought of it recently a little bit more than usual. I guess expectations are like a curse to me. They seem to overwhelm my instincts, not always - that would be dreadful - but sometimes.
Like today, when I was trying to convince my daughter she should think over her behaviour: her stamping feet as a reaction to what I wanted her to do. I completely neglected the fact she is not even 6 years old, and may sometimes feel tired, or bored, with something else, and my words are just too much in that very minute. I am far from admiring stubborness. I just think I should not be so ambitious with her. And sometimes let her go. It might work much better.
Prejudices, on the other hand, are quite useful to me. They are an easy shortcut for my mind, which is great when you have minutious tasks to do, and are expected to show attention to both your children at the very same minute. They can hurt, too (prejudices, not children, at least I feel that way). Not directly, but they might lead to unfavourable misjudgment of someone's behaviour.
Like the other day, when I laughed when another mum told me, she was just having her hair done, and there was this lashing rain, so she said no to a blow-dry. It sounded a little bit funny, but it was right before we were picking our kids from school, we were both completely soaked, and me laughing was simply showing her support and understandable. Ok, so maybe it is not that simple, my empathy obviously did suffer in that lashing rain that day, I didn't think it could make her feel bad. Result is she is ignoring my hello now, as she probably finds me shallow, stupid, and completely self-centered. There. I just made another assumption.

Thursday, 5 June 2014

Magic of reading

I just read that workers rolling cigars in Cuban factories have been one of the best educated reps of their society: there was, and sometimes still is, a reader employed to help them go through monotonous yet focus requirying job.
The power of reading.
It helped me survive teen years, which are never easy, however quiet, easy-going and well protected you may be (in my case protection was defined by a lack of siblings, wonderful grandma who I definitely underrated back then, and the fact I was living in a village with not so many occassions to let your raging hormones go; in short - haha!;) - I was a good girl). It helps my older one wind down before sleep, and that is quite a milestone, considering how moody, active and stubborn she can be (let's face it: just like her mother). It helps my little one ease the pain of growing teeth; he seems to have developped a unique ability to identify books accurate in size, thickness, and weight, for that purpose. Good for him. As long as these are not iBooks, I don't mind. It also makes my husband smile a little more; even when I envy him he can sit with his precious Kindle, while I continue my helpless fight with time during my evening skincare routine, part of me, that good girl part, is happy for him.
I should be reading more though. If only I could do with less sleep...;)

Knock on the door

I open reluctantly. Which is probably one of the reasons I don't have friends here (and by 'friends' I actually also mean colleagues, or barely known acquaintances met once or twice, or even people collecting other children from the same class as Zosia). An unnaturally happy man (now, I'm not suggesting anything here. To me he looked unnatural.) starts with: 'Hello, I am from sth (whatever) Trust. You must have heard of us.' 'No, I haven't. And I am not interested' I said, so he politely wished me a nice afternoon and went away.
When closing the door I thought I was quite mean. The guy obviously had a selling pitch ready-to-go, and I kind of stopped the rythm. Maybe he had something interesting to say?
All because of the fact he assumed I knew their organisation, when I didn't.

Assumptions. They can easily kill any good intensions.

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Ups when travelling with a child

While it is challenging not to forget his favourites toys (brilliantly hooked to a buggy in one of few genious moments of mine), food, emergency milk portion, 2 or 3 nappies, baby wipes, and roughly a hundred other necessary things absolutely required on-the-go, there is one quite nice feature of a travel with a little one. People still tend to help you. Let you pass first and hold the unreasonably heavy doors for you (designed by very angry people obviously who never have to carry any luggage, not mentioning any type of child's mean of transport). Smile to your little one and to you, when the former seems to be loudly contemplating the nature, in a form of not necessarily undenstandable mantra with lots of 'dadadudunanayyynunaetedadatooyeaaah' and so on. They are genuinely nice to you. Or make a good impression;)
It might be they envy you. It might be they pity you. Whatever the reason, I try to benefit from it to the full.
 I discovered hovewer it doesn't come at no price. You need to be nice to others, in general, as well. Reciprocity pays off somehow:)

Tuesday, 3 June 2014


It is all around me. It starts in the mornings, with frustrated mothers who try to make it on time, raising their voices, usually unnecessary, wanting their kids to put their shoes on quicker, telling them to dress faster... Hang on, that's me. I am that desperate housewife. Obviously undercuddled;)

Today I made a commitment to myself in the middle of that little house storm. Enough is enough; no more hurrying and voice raising in the mornings. I thought we would be definitely late for school, but I accepted that. There's a first time for everything.

Surprisingly we made it on time. With no rush, we walked and talked, and even didn't miss a single little wall (Zosia loves them, as most kids do, but with her slight acrophobia I try to encourage every attempt to go a bit higher).
I am proud of my kids and myself this morning!;))

Monday, 2 June 2014

One of their first indoor activities together

No surprise the thing they did together was watching an animated movie.

It was Zosia's 1st day after her school accident, and she watched cartoons for few hours that day; we let her which was completely uneducational but at least kept her thoughts and pain away. We were reasonable enough though to take the little one away from the screen after few minutes. At least that is what I recall. It might as well be that he simply became interested with something else.

Greenwich tunnel and afterparty

Today we went to Greenwich to kind of cherish Zosia's last day of half term. It was not easy to convince her that actually it might be more interesting then her iPad games. Toddler did not protest.
Eventually we made it, everything nice and smooth, including unhealthy feeding options (chips, milkshake and plain bagels, farewell to fruits and veggies), and surprisingly highly cultural visit to Naval College and the National Maritime museum.
With yesterday's round through Museum of Docklands, I may say we broke our quarterly record in cultural entertaining by a mile...
Even when it were kids gallery and Greenwich park playground listed as the most favourites for my little ones: Zosia was more than happy, and mini man shouted with joy. :)))


Yesterday evening I came to the living room, sat on a chair and started applying serum ('youth fortifying'; what youth?;) when my husband asked me what I was doing. 'Fighting' I answered, truly and sincerely.
I tend to fight most of my days, and nights. Against age, with all the creams, serums, oils and treatments I can afford. Against dust, hoovering every 3rd day with passion and no mercy for food remains which both of my sweet little monsters tend to carelessly spread around the floor. Against my moods, and that fight is the most difficult.

Sunday, 1 June 2014

Everyday is Friday to me, i.e. why this blog

Everyday is Friday to me.
Not in this 'create a Happy awesome life' sense. It's actually: I feel after 5 days at work: exhausted, with blurry eyes, forgetting basic things ( like switching off lights when I go for a walk, which I would normally never ever miss to do).
It hit me yesterday evening, when I was at Waitrose (yes, that hidiously expensive Waitrose; they have great breads though, and a free coffee for members, something I cannot ignore), buying, you guessed, some bread, and a lollipop (Zosia was with me:), and a cashier said '2 pounds 47 please. I responded with 'Are you sure?'. 'Yes, It's Friday' she said bluntly.
And then it hit me.
There is no Friday for me. Those days of being tired after a week in the office no longer apply to me. When you are with kids, one of them a brand new toddler, you don't really see any difference between any day. It's basically Friday every day of the week. And weekends don't really change this feeling much. Ok, so we don't go to school, but still have food to prepare, runny noses to attend as the weather had been quite fussy lately, ironing board to ignore (and I used to like it, really!)
I'm not complaining (at least not now). I am generally ok with my life, and the way things are.
It is just that obedience to constant happiness everyone around is trying to throw at me, that I don't like.
There it is then. My complaint;))