In sickness

No one really tells you how awful you feel when your children are sick. No matter how hard you try, you cannot help the overwhelming feeling of failure, disaster, and - yes - disgrace to yourself for your unsuccessful attempts to ease their frustration and pain.

This is how I feel now. Posts are suspended until healthy little faces are back with us. Hopefully soon.

Continual learning

I recall, when being at school, a then new theory emerging that people shall change their attitude towards knowledge, and gone would be the days they finish their education with a degree. Few years later (OK, actually it is more than few. But let's not focus on irrelevant details here:) we are constantly being bombarded with another, and yet another portion of information. While part of that is some media gibberish, some of it are courses, trainings, webinars, and lectures. Usually online, always at hand.
I seem to cope with that enormous amount badly. There are at least 5 courses I started a good while ago, with a genuine will to have them completed, and never did that.
Obviously, I have my reasons things turned out that way. Moreover, in some cases I still honestly believe I will indeed finish them. ...;)
Consistency. A notion to keep up with. My everyday goal, usually not met.

Ticking clock

Time is flying. I can now barely remember how teeny tiny my 5-year old was when she was born.
I only recall being on her first photo session, when she was 3-weeks old, and I just wanted to capture this moment from the first weeks of her life. There was a lady there, waiting for her shoot with 2 boys in the early school years. She said to me then: 'you quickly forget how small a baby is when she is born'. That struck me a bit, and I didn't realise how true were her words, untill, well, recently.

Time is flying. My little one is attempting running for some time now, and the image of him lying still in his cot is like a blurred picture to me;)

There's this undoubtfully sound statement coined by mums: our kids grow, we are not ageing.
On a serious note though, it is true. When there are young people around, we seem to enjoy life more. Even if the enjoyment part is of a more general nature as everyday tasks pile up and make life look like a line-up of cleaning, cooking (now that's the part I seem to limit, to the benefit of play with my young adventurers), and organising on a tactical level.

If only you are at ease with yourself, and with the fact that you are either a working mum, or a stay-at-home mum (which, in both cases mean you do work anyway), and you are not looking for justification of your state ('I am thrilled with the idea of not working/working professionally', and so on), then life is good. And with the young ones, jumping on your bed at 7am, requesting you not to sleep and getting you involved in a birthday party play with a dolly, ponies, and a train, you are ok with that. And you get into that train, and play. And you feel good (and yes, sleepy;) ...

Set them free

It's really a difficult thing for me: refrain myself from the usual: 'watch out / don't touch / leave that' moaning I seem to have been practising to perfection for the last couple of years.
OK, that was too harsh maybe, and a bit off the limits, but anyone reading this gets the idea, right?
The need to control is obviously unfulfilled in me, therefore I subconsciously chose the easiest option, directing that desire to be in charge towards the little ones.
It took me a good while to realise that. It takes a lot of effort to snap myself in the middle of a situation, and simply let go.
It spans from allowing my older one to sit wherever she chooses when we take a trip on the Underground (provided we can see each other at all times;), to seeing my little one running away in a park, as happy as human being can possibly be (followed by me catching breath while chasing him with a buggy before he reaches the grass edge; great muscles challenge for both).
Setting the limits is quite comforting, too. You know where you are, what is expected from you, no need to wonder how to react; all you need is any of these, you guessed it, 'watch out / don't touch / leave that' phrases.
Challenges. Sometimes it's all about releasing. Much harder than actually setting up.

Equal rights

There seem to be a lot of discussion around women, and their equal rights nowadays. I don't necessarily support the fuss. I feel it's great we can work, do what and when we can, and that it is up to us to set boundaries and limits to freedom of speech, professional development, and leisure.
Is it so however?
I guess I am a bit of a hypocrite here; raising my kids and focusing core activities around them makes me a typical example of a non-suffragist. Moreover, I like to benefit from womanhood and motherhood on a daily basis; when guys, and I mean it in a both-gender way, stop to let me pass through doors with a buggy. Or, when they turn around passing me by. Ok, the last one is no longer the case. I was meant to say: when they turnED;)))  anyway, I don't care. Really.;)

On topic: I do not feel at ease with the idea of women everywhere, in every possible job. The idea of a girl on a tractor (old and biased image from communist era; no, I do not live that long: I saw it online once, as a reminescence of not so good old days) doesn't apply to me.
I guess when you are a human being (for me, box is ticked), at ease with oneself (hmm, usually the case, apart from the not-so-often appearing drama of 'I have nothing to wear', or the 6-year old in me, saying 'I'm so ronely, and nobody likes me'), you don't need equal rights to make you feel contented. You have that in you.

And it keeps you going in whichever direction you choose, whatever the weather.

Is little not enough?

Last morning, I saw a mum with a little boy, dressed for school, as they passed the street right in front of us. He had his school bag with him, she held nothing but an iPhone in her hand.
(iPhones should actually be called MEphones; there's soooo much show and at least +15 to appearance for people hanging around with their precious ones, and I don't mean their kids obviously, just so to make sure everyone around notices what they have in their hands. And just in case if anyone wonders this is me talking out of hate, jealousy and mean-spiritedness, you are wrong;) I actually have one myself, the MEphone I mean, got as a present from my husband, which is great at so many levels;)
She had no backpack, no handbag, no clutch, literally nothing but the MEphone.
Me, on the contrary, I had a bag with some snacks (always handy: this is to make sure we don't pop into a shop for some candies). Then, there was Zosia's backpack (it was really hot this morning; otherwise she would carry it herself). A bag with little one's essentials (nappies, baby wipes, one portion of milk carton, few small toys, spare body, and a spare bag: I seem to be obsessed with these; always have at least two with me). A bag with swim wear, and a towel (that is not part of our daily routine: there was a water day at school to celebrate the forthcoming summer break). All hooked to a buggy. In short, we looked like a gang of homeless travellers, with our feet being the only mean of transport available. Heart-catching and off-putting.
The key question is: how did the other mum make it? With all the stuff NOT accompanying her? The simplest answer: she only had one little kid to keep an eye on. Still, most of the things we had related to Zosia anyway. So it's not the case here.
Let's face it: she was better organised, with a plan of the day ahead minutiously done, all necessary details checked before she left home. And they were not even in a hurry, again opposite to us...
Looks like I envy her. And I don't even know her.

Then again, what if she saw us, and thought: 'Wow, they are perfectly packed, and prepared for soo many options a day may bring.';) that would be actually quite funny.

I actually find it quite soothing to step into somebody else's shoes. Even when I am wrong, at least it makes me feel better:)))

Express yourself

There is a 5-year old girl, and a 1-year old boy in our house. Sometimes I feel like they secretely treble though. I love painting, and drawing, and cutting, and using unusual materials as well, like rose petals, or any leftovers from birthday party decorations. Unfortunately at the moment we do this with the older one when the little one is asleep. Which is not as much as we used to.
However we get the little one involved in earlier phases of crafting. And that helps bonding, without making the older one feel forgot, or abandoned. Like the other day, we went to a park, and the little one carefully picked the rose petals, and gave them to us. It was real fun to him, running around and looking for possible treasures to bring and make his mum, and sister, smile. And yes, that also means, my current running and chasing abilities are at its peak, but it is worth it!;)))
Planning is key, however spontaneous actions seem to work as well. Just always have a spare bag with you; you never know what a short walk may bring ...