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Saturday, 28 June 2014


Out of loneliness there may come a great discovery, or a pitiful sorrow, depending on how strong your inner me is.
I would like to be more alone. I mean, I enjoy motherhood, I really do, but ...:)

Then again, I recall one week, 2 years ago, or so, when I had my daughter with her grandparents on a short summer break, Adam was in the mountains, biking, hiking and chilling, and I was at work 9ish-5, and had all the time in the world to be on my own.
That felt awful. Even though I restored my social skills during 1 or 2 informal meetings in the evenings, I visited my aunt, I went through a thorough thinking on where I am, what I am doing, is it the right place that I am in (something, I strongly believe that, anyone should be doing on a regular basis as not to get stuck and keep going in line with one's mantra/beliefs/personal goals). That is, I did all the things I used to do more often when I was a girl. Ages ago. ;))
Still, it all didn't feel right. I missed our morning discussions why should we be heading off to preschool, why a sleeveless summer dress is great, but not exactly an appropriate solution for a chilly July morning with stormy clouds and lashing rain, my sincere efforts to meet high expectations in terms of a pretty, yet comfy hair-do, and so on. Not mentioning, I missed my husband. That was one of the longer periods we were apart after we were married.

It looks like there is actually no hunger for solitude in me.
I guess I knew it all the time. I just hid that under a snug blanket of complaints and laments.

Self-pity is so easy to apply. No rocket science, barely any action required. All you need to do is pour your bad mood onto others, making sure their days pass with no fun at all. I tried that technique more than once. It works no more than once. And on a short-term basis. Not worth it.

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